Faces

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Do you ever feel like you have to bury your true feelings and wear a mask? Don't lie. All of us have had those days... We just want to burst into tears or scream at the top of our lungs but instead we smile and say, "I'm fine," because it's just easier. We never really want to have to explain ourselves... Sometimes we just want someone to accept our insanity, our bitterness, and darkness... So in those precious moments, they are also there to experience our joy.

 

I've felt like I am wearing a mask for a long time now. Some days I can take it off for a bit but most days I put a smile on my face, put my head down, and march my way through the day just hoping that I can make it back to my bed safe and sound where I can forget about feelings and faces and reality for a few hours. I've never really felt this way before and, in all honesty, it does scare me a little bit. My smile never used to be a façade, my positivity and optimism was not forced... but lately, it has been. Where life used to bring me happiness, I now tend to feel only bitterness.

 

I hope to one day wear that smile again and not force it to be there. Don't get me wrong! There are moments when I am genuinely happy and the smile is not a farce, but more often than not, that smile is hiding a tear or a scream... and sometimes it's hiding even nothingness.

 

a.r.w.