Face

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day Four of Mother Earth Week makes an attempt at a somewhat realistic doodle of my Earth Mother. I will be the first to admit that I am not particularly good at this--I prefer drawing my big eyed, bushy eye lashed, stained glass haired girls. But, just like my previous attempt in drawing somewhat realistically in the post Pulling, I am pretty proud of myself. I don't know why but I feel like this Earth Mother kind of looks like Scarlett Johansson... Not too sure how that happened!

Today's post is called "Face"... Not only for the obvious reason--it's a doodle of a girl's face (my specialty... Haha!!)--but for the fact that in 2016 we need to face the facts, accept that the increased rate of climate change is our own doing, and start doing something about it. Stop debating.  Face it and stop it. Stop talking and start doing. 

My Gramma Aw and so many before her made it her mission to not only respect Mother Earth but also teach her grandchildren to do the same. Let's take a page out of her book and continue on in the works that so many have tried to do--love, respect, protect, and conserve the planet--for as long as we have this Giant Blueberry to call home.

Baby Amanda and Afro Gramma compliments of 1990

a.r.w.

PS: Still missing those watercolors...

For Sale

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day three of Earth Mother Week brings us a doodle of my purple haired, topless, Nike wearing Mother Earth. This doodle is based on the poem I posted yesterday. 

Our Earth Mother is sad. She sees the damage we are doing and hears the denial from so many unwilling to change their ways for the good of their children and their children's children. She's begun to decide to take matters into her own hands--whether that's selling her Nike's or fighting back with the power of Nature.

Personally, I wouldn't blame her if she starts to fight dirty... I would too after centuries of abuse. 

Strategically cropped to hide little naked Amanda the day Gramma Aw showed me how to dunk my head under the water without plugging my nose. Circa, 1993?

a.r.w.

PS: I miss my watercolors... so much. 69 days until I can get my grubby little paws on them again.

Earth Mother Now

where is Earth Mother now?
the embrace that once held me when I cried
the one who knew just what to do
and fixed all my problems with a sigh

she once held my hand
and guided me down the road
a touch of wisdom, a bit of sass
as she helped me with my load

this world can be a heavy burden
one far too large to bear
but i always knew that there'd be one 
always standing there

where is my Earth Mother now?
it's been years since she's been seen
perhaps she's sold her Nike's 
to get just a bit more green

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day two of Mother Earth Week brings us another poem, this time not my grandmother's words but my own. A bit darker. A bit sadder. A bit more lost. But that is Life, isn't it? 

This poem is, I suppose, a sequel to the one my grandmother wrote. Many of my Gramma Aw's poems have a quirky loneliness to them. But that doesn't make me feel surprised or sad because sometimes I feel that way too. Quirky and lonely. I think dreamers, artists, poets, and wanderers are all quirky and lonely so we use our words and imagination to help bring others into our loneliness. We live in another world and we want to share it, even if some might find it slightly skewed.

a.r.w.

Away

the day you went away

nothing could prepare me

for the day you went away.

i saw the writing on the wall

yet still begged you to stay.

"please don't leave me all alone.

don't make me journey on

through this life's endless hopes and fears

after you've already gone."

a battle was bravely fought

and won... and lost.

and in our deep heartbreak

into a new world we were forced to cross.

i stood all alone

in a sea of doubt.

if there was no hope to be had

what was this life all about?

i wandered through my days

suddenly lost and unfeeling,

not an end at all in sight.

no chance of ever healing.

i had lost my dear sweet brother--

my long lost forgotten half.

now the silenced shared laughter

in the old photograph.

so far away.

so lost and alone.

no one could save me.

my heart turned to stone.

i still look back

on the day you went away.

i call out, "why, god? why?"

but won't hear what he has to say.

i find my comfort

in the stars above.

though distant, their light still shines

just like our shared love.

i don't need solutions

or answers to why.

all i need to do

is look up to the sky.

"i am not gone,"

a voice whispers to me.

"i am everywhere now.

oh, why can't you see?

"even as the sun shines,

the stars are still there.

let their light remind you

how much i still care.

"so continue through life--

see what lies in store.

i'll be There waiting for you

when you walk through the door."

nothing could prepare me

for the day you went away.

but as i sit and close my eyes,

loud and clear, i hear you say,

"don't worry about me!

i promise i'm fine.

we'll be together again, i swear.

but while you wait in the meantime

"take the love i gave to you;

here's the gift that i bestow:

share my love with those around you.

stand back and watch it grow!

"this is all i have to give--

this is my gift to you.

i hope it makes you smile

and will help others, too."

a piece of my heart

followed you that day.

but it seems a piece of yours, too,

decided that it would stay.

this life isn't easy.

my world is a mess.

but you were Here for a short while...

so it was blessed, nonetheless.

a.r.w.

Notes

missing you each day

gentle music notes make me

miss you even more

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went to church for the first time today since Jed died. Needless to say, it did not go too well... But we got a poem out of it so that's a plus. 

a.r.w.

Beginning

a small beginning

all the forest can be found

in just an acorn

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

Here is a haiku for Jed. It is always at night that I relive that terrible day in New York but I try to focus on what came from you and your life and not how sad I am that it was cut so tragically short.

 

a.r.w.

Tears

i think of you and

my tears start watering the

flowers of my soul

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

At least that's what I tell myself on days like this... Definitely my hardest day since arriving in Russia and I am ready to head home where I know my tears and grief can begin to be understood.

 

a.r.w.

Fulfill

step into the light

guide my hands and be my voice

fulfill your own dreams

2006, 2009, 2012

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

So it's been made official--Adam and I are leaving Russia two weeks from tomorrow and returning to the US of A for a few months. I admit, my soul is a bit relieved to be returning to my family for our first Christmas season without Jed here. But there is another reason why I am anxious to get home...

 



I find myself returning to the stage once more and not under the best circumstances. There is a precious and beautiful show that the Ghostlight Theatre puts on every three years at this time called All Through the Night. Jed had been a part of it for the last nine years--first as the little boy, Wally, and then twice as the older boy, John. But his dream, ever since he played Wally, was to get to play the college kid, Neil. This year was going to be his year. His goal after surgery was to be strong enough to finally take the stage as Neil.

We all know that he never got his wish... so it's been decided that I will be filling in his place as his understudy. It will be hard... but it will be good. I hope to make Jed proud and hope that he helps me (and the rest of the cast) through this because it will definitely be a tough, emotional ride.

a.r.w.

Pearls

I stood in silence, watching him as he retrieved a box from the other side of the room and returned to me and placed it in my hands. “A gift for you,” he declared with a whisper that once again made me shiver—it was as if his voice was made of ice.

I looked at him suspiciously for a moment before I looked down at the velvet box in my hands. Slowly lifting the top, I gasped as I looked down at the string of black pearls, strung into a necklace.

Looking back up at him, I must have had quite an amusing look on my face because he threw his head back and laughed at me. “I like to keep you on your toes,” he joked as he lifted the necklace from its box. “For you, my dear.”

I looked at the gift in his hands, then back up at him. We were one step away from being enemies and nowhere near close enough to be considered friends. Gift giving was not in our nature and I didn’t trust him.

He could either sense my trepidation or simply read my thoughts (neither would have surprised me at that moment). He smiled, entertained by me, I guess. “You’ll want to think about wearing this,” he assured me.

“Why?”

“It will help to keep you alive.” Simple. But effective.

I didn’t want to trust him but I was reminded of how he healed me after the Forsaken attack. If he wished me ill, he would have just left me out there with them, easily forgotten as if I never existed. But he didn’t. He came after me. For some strange reason he cared about this whole thing—this bet.

Slowly—not liking the idea of taking my eyes off of him for even a second—I turned my back to him. I could sense his smile as his fingers gently brushed against my neck, his touch leaving an icy trail along my skin. He collected my long auburn hair in his hand and softly placed it over my shoulder, careful not to pull a single hair. His cold hands unclasped the hook of the pearl necklace and he slowly wrapped it around my neck, locking it into place. His hands remained on my shoulders for a moment longer than needed, making the hair on my arms stand on end.

“It’s beautiful,” I admitted to him as I quickly turned back around—that was all the trust I had within me for the day. “But what exactly will it do?”

“You know how they say a cat has nine lives?”

“Yes.” I nodded my head not sure where this was going or how it connected with my question.

“Well, think of these as your nine lives… Though I think you’ll need more than just nine,” he explained. “If you ever find yourself in a mess and something happens to you, one of these,” he tapped a pearl, “will absorb the damage. Where you would have died, a pearl will vanish.”

“Whoa,” I whispered, looking down at the mundane little pearls in awe. He was right—I should think about wearing these little guys.

“Whoa, indeed,” he echoed, his eyes continuing to watch me intently. “The Betwixt is a dangerous place, Rebecca. I can’t have you dying on me anytime soon. If you do, your damn angel will kill me.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

And with that, NaNoWriMo has officially begun! This month will be crazy, busy, and super hectic on top of work and NaNo and life just having a way of getting into trouble.

 

NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month where you have 30 days to write 50,000 words and for the 6th year in a row, I am going to attempt it... though this is my first time trying to do it with a full time job and a husband! My story is about a girl named Becks who is caught in the middle of a bet between her guardian angel and the god of death. Here, Lord Death gives her a sort of insurance policy for protection in the Betwixt.

 

Where I tried to keep the posts spooky and scary in October in honor of Halloween, this month, most of (if not all of) my posts will be bits of writing from throughout the day. Enjoy! And happy writing to my fellow NaNoers.

 

a.r.w.

Touch

All Hallow's Eve. Samhain. Halloween.

Call it what you like but once you cross over from Here to There, it's the biggest day of the year--the one you look forward to the most. The day when the World of the Living and the World of the Dead--Here and There--touch for just a few short hours. It's the day when the veil is thin; the door is wide open.

Don't get me wrong! I journey back and forth all the time... usually when you're asleep though. I like to check in, see that everything's okay... see that you're okay. But it's hard to get your attention. A puff of smoke in the corner of your eye or a yellow bird. You hear me calling to you but then tell yourself that you were just imagining it. You dream of me... but your memory is foggy. But tonight--Halloween night--you're thinking of me, all of us... the dead. Your eyes are on me, waiting, wondering if you'll see me or hear me. It's easy to reach out to you when you're looking for me.

I've got to go! The door between Here and There has been open for a few hours now and I have a long list of people I want to get to see today...

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

A very Happy Halloween to you all! At last! The greatest day of the year has arrived and I hope you all manage to have a magical, spooky time today with family and friends and a few monsters too...

 

I was originally going to try to write a scary story for today, but then I got thinking about what Halloween is all about, how it all started. This is the day that the veil between the world of the living and the dead is at it's thinnest. You don't know who--or what--you are passing down the street on this day. Those amazing costumes you see? They might be a bit more real than you imagined. Here and There is touching today, the door is wide open, and there's no knowing who you'll bump into today!

 

I was wondering what There does to celebrate this day (imagine all of the different customs and cultures collected from all the diverse people over There!) and I imagined that it is one of the busiest days of the year for them. They don't have to sneak into your dreams to visit you. They can come to you head on, because that is what Halloween is all about. You all know who I'm waiting for... May you all be visited by someone you love today, get a little spooked, and eat your weight in candy.

 

Happy Halloween!!

 

a.r.w.

The Gift

When stars are born

 

They possess a gift or two…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

There is an old Serbian proverb that says, Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of stars. We are the very best of both worlds. Star dust makes up our very beings--star dust from millions and billions of years ago, connecting us to the very universe that surrounds. If that is not a magnificent thought, then I don't know what is.

 

Today's doodle was created from inspiration by a great number of different things throughout the day.

 

The first was listening to the music from the Disney firework show "Wishes" which starts with the very famous and oh so beloved saying, "When stars are born, they possess a gift or two... One of them is this: They have the power to make a wish come true." Immediately I thought to the precious brother I BEGGED my parents for. I wanted nothing more than to be a big sister... and my wish was granted with Jed. He has given me the greatest relationship I have ever seen between a brother and a sister, a lifetime of memories, years of laughter, and an incredible friend. I miss my brother--my star--every single day (today is one of those rough days if you can't tell...) but I am so grateful for him for making my wish come true and making my life so much brighter.

 

Another inspiration from today was a post I saw online that was between two stars talking to one another saying, "Being a human was the hardest thing I ever had to do." "Same here." My breath was taken away by that thought.  This is the hard part of life--the tears, the pain, the sickness--but that will make the joyful reunion and happy eternity over There all the sweeter. Jed has become that shining star once more, illuminating my world that has turned a bit too dark for my liking lately.

 

I think back to that beautiful quote from Star Wars: Luminous beings are we... not this crude matter. It seems to be a similar idea--across cultures--that once we make it through this part of life and travel from Here to There, life gets brighter... as do we...

 

From stars we came from and to stars we will return.

 

a.r.w.

Cleanse

water cleanses souls

brings life and renews the sick

no shame in your tears

*~*~*~*~*~*

Still in a bit of a rough patch but much better than yesterday... That has to do with the ridiculous selfless love of my husband, wise words from my mama, and the support that you guys showed. It means a lot... Being away from almost everyone you love during the hardest part of your life is no walk in the park, that's for sure!

 

I almost didn't post anything today for lack of time and inspiration but Adam almost lost it and demanded that I go to my computer and create something (thanks, babe!). So here is a haiku to try and tell myself that it's okay to cry and to try and not be ashamed of my emotions--they are the result of a deep love. I hope you never feel shame in your tears either.

 

I also made this epically goofy spider crown to make with my kindergarteners tomorrow. I cannot friggin' wait. So that's TWO creations for you today!

 

 

Hang in there, folks. Halloween is just 11 days away...

a.r.w.

Hold Me

strings hold me togeth’r

to keep me from falling ‘part

they’re made of barbed wire

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I had a rough time today missing Jed. I'm not sure what sparked it... and honestly, I don't think I ever do. It's hard to always smile and laugh for everyone around you when all you want to do is collapse. I overestimated myself, I think. This is harder than I could have ever imagined.

 

Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

 

a.r.w.

Yellow Bird

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

There is this joke in my family that goes back eight years now to my Uncle Tony's 50th and my cousin Ashley's 16th birthday cruise in the Caribbean--a joke about a yellow bird. When someone gets easily distracted by something, you shout, "Hey look! A yellow bird!" This joke started with one of the comedians on the ship and (like most things in my family), it just took on a life of it's own over the years.

 

There are two kinds of birds in Novosibirsk that I have seen in the last month and a half--crows and pigeons (such is city life)... That is, until today. Today I've been seeing little yellow finches everywhere!

 

I woke up this morning to see one sitting on my window ledge. Later, one almost flew in through my open window. Walking to the post office I saw five more! And as I sat down to start writing this post, another one landed on my window ledge and just stared in at me. I actually like to think that it's just one finch and that he's followed me around like a little familiar.

 

And of course, I always think back to that message Jed gave to us through my mom's friend, Nadine: Look for me in feathers. Of course the first thing that popped into my mind was that Jed was following me, helping me pick up mom's package. Whether it's a "sign" from Jed or not--who knows? But I do know that I love seeing and being distracted by these colorful little birdies.

 

Hey look! A yellow bird!

 

a.r.w.

Sow

*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Six months. It seems impossible, but somehow I have managed to continue living six months after my baby brother breathed his last breath. There were moments and even days when I didn't want to... Why would I want to live another 50 years with this pain and grief--this massive hole in my heart that could never possible begin to be filled? But somehow, I've managed... Because I know Jed wants me to.

 

Again, I use the present tense for a very special reason--because Jed is still with me, trying to help me, guide me, and comfort me even though I can't see him. And he shows himself to me in signs (you can scoff if you want... But those who have gone through any kind of deep, painful loss will know that our loved ones never leave us alone and are always reaching out to us in little ways that prick our hearts).

 

When people think of Jed, they might think of the color red (Red for Jed) or balloons or even feathers. When I think of him, I instantly think of acorns.

 

When he was a little boy, we gave Jed an acorn to help him overcome his fear of going to school. Again, we gave him an acorn the night before his surgery to give him courage--because mighty oaks from tiny acorns grow. It gave him the courage to walk into surgery and it gave him courage through the next two days where he fought frantically for his life... and he died with that damned acorn clutched tightly in his hand... I still have it.

 

So for me, it's an acorn.

 

I've permanently put an acorn on my body, hidden behind my ear. My early love for Peter Pan and the "kiss" he gives to Wendy soon became painfully ironic when I got my own hidden kiss the day Jed and I were supposed to go and get tattoos together.

 

 

Wherever I go, I search for acorns. Is it a sign from Jed? Not necessarily. But the minute I see one, I think of him and in my thoughts, he is there with me and sometimes that is enough.

 

On my honeymoon and in Russia

 

But sometimes, I do think it is a sign... like today.

 

After a rough day (the 8th will always be hard), and just ten minutes after I had painted these three acorns in memory of Jed, I was walking back to work. As I was walking, something orange caught my eye. It was a plastic acorn lying on the sidewalk. I stopped, turned around, and went back to pick it up. To me, THAT was a message from Jed. I've walked back and forth along that path for almost a month and a half now and never have I seen anything other than broken bottles and cigarette butts. Here, six months (almost to the minute) after Jed's passing from Here to There, and just a few minutes after I painted these acorns, I happen to walk directly over this plastic orange (Jed's favorite color) acorn.

 

I'm not a real believer in "You reap what you sow." Jed sowed so much good and got screwed over in my not so humble opinion. But it got me thinking today...

An acorn is a seed that can be sowed to make a mighty oak. Jed was that acorn. He never did become that mighty oak (Life never even gave him the chance). But he sowed and sowed and sowed GOOD into people. And if you sow enough, soon you can bring in a bountiful harvest. I think the good that Jed sowed in his laughter, his kindness, his goofiness, and his epic determination and stamina will be the greatest harvest any of us will ever have the privilege to see. For years--as long as people think of Jed, say his name, and remember how he made them feel--that harvest will continue to come in and the forest of mighty oaks that he planted in each of our hearts will continue to spread and grow.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn."  Jed was that little acorn. And we are his forest.

a.r.w.

 

 



Drunken Dreams

drunken dreams have i

just to see your face again,

is that what it takes?

*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Last night I had my first dream about Jed since I got married. Before then, I didn't have them too often but often enough to help me through the days, weeks, and months that passed after April 8th. I could tell the difference between regular dreams and visits where I know Jed sought me out to talk to me and spend time with me. But after I got married, not once did I see, hear, or feel Jed in any of my dreams.

 

Until last night.

 

It was short and he was there for only a moment. Piff the Magic Dragon (yes, from America's Got Talent) was doing a show for us and Jed was sitting in a chair beside me, his bald head covered in his blue knit cap I bought him (that's almost always how I see him). All I did was look over at him and ask him, "You really liked him, didn't you?" It was short and sweet and all I needed.

 

I started thinking why it was that I dreamt of Jed last night after all these weeks. What changed? What happened? I don't think it was a visit, just a regular dream where I got to see his face once more. After I thought about it, I came to the realization that I went to bed a bit tipsy last night (it was our teacher's day celebration at work and we had wine, laser tag, Georgian food, and more wine).

 

After Jed's death, I spent the next four months in a drunken haze. Not a day went by that I didn't drink alcohol at one point and many times I would polish off a bottle or two a night by myself. I'm not proud of that fact, but it helped to numb the pain a bit and at that point I didn't care what would be considered right or wrong... all I cared about was getting myself through the day. And in those drunken days, I dreamt of my brother so much more than my sober moments.

 

I'm not saying I'll return to my days of drinking heavily (at least not on a regular basis) but I do miss my dreams with my baby bro bro... so it was nice to have a quick chance to see his face again... even if it was just in my dreams...

 

a.r.w.

Beautiful

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I like to think of the Earth as a phoenix at this time of year. Everything bursts into a colorful, beautiful blaze just before it dies... much like the phoenix bursts into flames before being reborn from the ashes.

 

Autumn shows me that death is not quite as scary as we sometimes think it is. It shows me that there can be such a thing as a beautiful death. Death is not a glamorous thing. It is messy, scary, and traumatizing to witness. At the very surface of it all, beautiful seems like the very last thing it would be.

 

I think what makes death beautiful is when someone's life is beautiful. My brother's death was not a beautiful, peaceful, "slip away" sort of death. As my mom says, "He went out swinging." I would not consider Jed's death to be beautiful... but goodness gracious his life was a  masterpiece. He lived life with such a fire and his desire to live life to the fullest, all the way to the very end, is both admirable and beautiful.

 

What Jed's death showed me was that death has the potential to be beautiful but what's even more beautiful is the life you lived and how you live on even after death in the hearts and minds of those that you managed to touch while on this planet. 

 

I'm always dazzled by this time of year--a beautiful transition from life to death. And while I, too, am in a transitional phase in my life, this season is taking on a whole new meaning for me. It's a beautiful time of year and it shows me that beauty can be found in the most unlikely of places--such as loss, tragedy, and even death.

I was playing with my watercolors and decided to try something from kindergarten. These are trees made from blowing air through a straw. I love how they turned out! Each one is unique! Give it a try--it's super easy and fun.

Only 28 days until Halloween!

a.r.w.

Bewilder

"Hello?" A voice called out through the house, shattering the silence of the night. "Is there anyone here?"

Verona's eyes widened at the sound of the voice. It had been years since her parents left her all alone in this house and she had not seen or heard a soul since. The voices did not frighten her as they might have when she was a child--voices meant visitors and visitors meant that she would not spend the night alone again.

Leaping up from where she was laying on her bed, Verona ran down the hall and peered down into the darkness.

There were three young men, all dressed in black, wandering around the house, calling out... calling out to her.

"Verona, we know you're here!" the one standing in the middle--clearly the leader of the group--called out, his voice booming off the old walls.

"Who are you?" Verona asked curiously as she made her way down the stairs.

"Shh!" one of them hissed. "Did you hear something?"

"No," the other two shook their heads.

Verona let out a confused laugh as she paused in her march down the stairs.

She continued to watch the men; they seemed to be unaware of her presence.

"Hello?" she tried again.

"Okay, now I know I heard something!" the one who had heard her before shouted again as they pointed something her way. She had never seen such a contraption before.

"Verona," the leader turned towards the stairs again, his hands clasped together as if he was begging her to do something, "is that you on the stairs?"

"Yes," she grumbled; she was starting to get frustrated with these men.

"If you are here, show yourself to us."

"I'm right here!" she called out as she ran down the stairs, ignoring their outbursts of, "Did you hear that?" "It sounded like someone was walking down the stairs!"

They continued to watch the place where she had just been standing on the stairs, the black boxes and contraptions in their hands.

"What's going on?" she whispered to herself, suddenly feeling panic rise up in her chest.

She looked around her, searching for something that made sense when her eyes fell upon the mirror hanging in the entryway of her home. She gasped as her eyes locked on the face of the mirror and saw nothing of her own reflection.

Looking down at her lacy, long white dress and brown boots, she spun around to look at the three men in their black pants and shirts with sleeves that showed their arms and strange shoes on their feet that didn't resemble the black boots the other men in her town would wear.

"What--?" she let out a scream as her legs gave out from under her and she collapsed to the floor.

Behind her closed eyes she could hear the sound of the men panicking and shouting to one another. Glancing up, she spotted another one of the strange boxes in their hands lighting up as it pointed towards her. After a moment, she realized that one of the men--the one who had continued to hear her--stood before her. He didn't exactly look down at her, but she knew deep down that he knew she was there.

"Verona?" his voice was soft and smooth as he said her name. It wasn't the harsh commanding tone his friend had; he spoke to her almost as if he knew her. "I know you must be confused," he continued as he moved to kneel before her, his hands outstretched just slightly.

"It's cold around you, Jake!" one of the men behind him said. "A twenty degree difference."

The man named Jake lifted his hand just slightly as he called out to his friend, "I can feel it." Lowering his voice once more, he turned to look back at Verona. "I know you've been here, alone, for a very long time."

Tears began to blur her vision of the man in front of her. She was scared and beginning to panic. Not thinking of manners or propriety, she reached out and grabbed the man's hand, clinging to it.

"Jake, what's going on?"

But he ignored his friend's shouts of panic as he felt the cold, tingling sensation of someone--Verona--taking his hand.

"Help me," she whispered, her voice trembling. "Please..."

"She's scared," he said, his eyes lowered as his grip tightened on hers.

As he lifted his gaze back up, he nearly jumped as the sight of a young girl with flowing blonde hair held back with a ribbon flickered before him before she vanished behind the veil once more.

"Verona?" he whispered her name.

"Yes!" she shouted, for that seemed to be the only way to get their attention. "Yes it's me! Verona Macintosh!"

"Dude, the EMF is going crazy right now!"

She ignored the other two men and looked directly into Jake's eyes. Somehow, he seemed to find her gaze though he could no longer see her. He continued to watch her as she begged one last time, "What's going on?"

A silence continued on through the house and she began to believe that he had not heard her when suddenly his voice called out in the darkness, "We want to help you, Verona. You've been trapped here for over a hundred years--you died 115 years ago..." His voice trailed off as if he could sense her confusion and terror. "You're dead... and we want to help you move on."

Verona shivered, her eyes jumping from one young man to another. DEAD. The word had not crossed her mind as she had sat alone in her house for so many years waiting for someone--anyone--to come walking through her door.

It was almost too much to bear. Throwing her head back, Verona let out a scream of anguish, fear, and confusion. The lights flickered in the house, the mirror shattered, and the three men jumped back in fear.

After a moment when the silence returned to the house, the three men exchanged a glance before the leader muttered, "This is going to be a long night."

Verona rubbed her eyes, suddenly exhausted. "You said it," she sighed as she looked back up at Jake... he was still looking down at her, a small smile on his face. Whether he heard her or not, she didn't know, but there was something about him that told her that he was not a liar--they were here to help her through this nightmare and she hoped that she would be able to make it through the night.

After a minute she paused and almost laughed at her thought. Of course she would survive the night. After all, she was a ghost.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

This is based off of a fun writing prompt called "a bewildering experience." To me, there is nothing more bewildering than the afterlife, ghosts, and the paranormal... especially if you are unknowingly caught in it!

 

I loved the idea of worlds colliding--modern day ghost hunters find a Victorian era ghost. I'm not sure if I'll continue this story... I am a sucker for ill-fated love stories so perhaps Jake and Verona will be able to see each other more throughout their night together and learn that love can cross barriers of time and existence.

 

October is only a few days away! That means two things:

 

1. Almost all of my posts will probably be spooky, Halloween related (what else is new?)

 

2. Work is about to get cuh-razy. They warned us that October is very busy and hectic where we'll be working most Sundays (that's one of my two days off and my other day off is usually taken up with teacher meetings... Boo....). It is my hope that I can still create and post something every day but if I miss a day here or there, please forgive me.

 

a.r.w.

Abandon

complete abandon

find yourself in another

ah... so this is love

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

It's been two years... two years since I said, "Sure, why not?" and followed him on this crazy ride. It's been two years of laughter and tears, adventures and wrong turns, new food, new friends, and new experiences. The fact that it's only been two years of knowing him blows me away. I found my partner in crime, my travel buddy, my other half, my best friend, my Viking... and all because I went out on a crazy limb and moved to China.

 

I actually drew something to post today but made the mistake of spending twelve hours at work so I never got a chance to color it... So here is a little haiku for my beer chuggin, chicken wing munchin', Disney pin collectin' Viking ♥️

 

a.r.w.

Faces

*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Do you ever feel like you have to bury your true feelings and wear a mask? Don't lie. All of us have had those days... We just want to burst into tears or scream at the top of our lungs but instead we smile and say, "I'm fine," because it's just easier. We never really want to have to explain ourselves... Sometimes we just want someone to accept our insanity, our bitterness, and darkness... So in those precious moments, they are also there to experience our joy.

 

I've felt like I am wearing a mask for a long time now. Some days I can take it off for a bit but most days I put a smile on my face, put my head down, and march my way through the day just hoping that I can make it back to my bed safe and sound where I can forget about feelings and faces and reality for a few hours. I've never really felt this way before and, in all honesty, it does scare me a little bit. My smile never used to be a façade, my positivity and optimism was not forced... but lately, it has been. Where life used to bring me happiness, I now tend to feel only bitterness.

 

I hope to one day wear that smile again and not force it to be there. Don't get me wrong! There are moments when I am genuinely happy and the smile is not a farce, but more often than not, that smile is hiding a tear or a scream... and sometimes it's hiding even nothingness.

 

a.r.w.