Secrets

I want to be hugged

By the trees and their secrets

Kissed by falling leaves

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

There are few things in life as invigorating to my soul as Autumn. Everything about it--the crisp chill in the air, the bright orange and red leaves, the days getting shorter and the nights getting longer, the smell of dirt, leaves, and wet wood everywhere (seriously, they need to bottle that and sell it), and the most sacred and joyous of holidays--Halloween--creeping closer and closer.

 

My soul has been hurting lately and no matter what I tried to use to heal it, it never seemed to last too long (even two trips to Disney World didn't seem to work anymore... and that is saying something my friends). But there is something strangely magical and healing the moment you step foot inside the forest... something I was finally able to do this past weekend after over a month and a half here in Novosibirsk.

 

The trees surround you and block out the rest of the world and it's troubles; their branches shield you from the sky, making you forget the passage of time. The birds sing a symphony for you and the leaves crunch beneath your feet, reminding you that there is always beauty in everything--even death. And there is a mystery among the trees--you don't know what they are hiding... the forest is full of secrets--and for awhile you are a part of its secret and its story as you wander among the paths and run your fingers along the tree trunks.

 

Maybe it's because we originated within the trees. They once sheltered us and housed us. We've forgotten the trees--we've begun to shun them, replacing them with concrete jungles instead. We've grown anxious and sick... though we don't know why or how until we step foot back in the forest and we realize that we were just homesick for the trees--the magic of the forest... our ancient home.

 

I hope you find time to get lost among the trees while they are still putting on a dazzling show for you... You'll feel it's healing touch even before you knew that you needed it.

 

Only 18 days until Halloween!

 

a.r.w.



Pumpkins

we are beautiful

all different shapes and sizes

pumpkins big and small

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Pumpkins are a lot like people. Some are short and fat. Others are tall and thin. And I love each and every one of them.

 

I finally bought some watercolor paper for the first time yesterday and I've started playing with it. I'm not really familiar with how it absorbs water and paint yet so forgive the slightly messy doodles.

 

I've been wanting to paint some pumpkins for awhile now and I decided to play with orange, yellow, and red. I kind of like the result! Just like my trees from yesterday, they all turned out different. I love it when I can't recreate a doodle--it makes them so special and unique.

 

I've been eying up a pumpkin on my way to work everyday. There is a gang of old ladies that sell produce and they brought out a giant pumpkin.... and I WANT IT.

 

That is one of the things I don't like about living abroad--missing out on all of the autumnal shenanigans. Apple picking, haunted houses, hay rides, corn mazes, apple cider, carving Jack-o-lanterns, pumpkin spice everything, the Swartz Halloween party, and going to the pumpkin patch. This time of year is my absolute favorite but it's also painful when I'm so far from all the fun!

 

I'm hoping to get a pumpkin soon and joining in on the Halloween festivities even from Siberia... 27 days until Halloween!

 

a.r.w.

Beautiful

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I like to think of the Earth as a phoenix at this time of year. Everything bursts into a colorful, beautiful blaze just before it dies... much like the phoenix bursts into flames before being reborn from the ashes.

 

Autumn shows me that death is not quite as scary as we sometimes think it is. It shows me that there can be such a thing as a beautiful death. Death is not a glamorous thing. It is messy, scary, and traumatizing to witness. At the very surface of it all, beautiful seems like the very last thing it would be.

 

I think what makes death beautiful is when someone's life is beautiful. My brother's death was not a beautiful, peaceful, "slip away" sort of death. As my mom says, "He went out swinging." I would not consider Jed's death to be beautiful... but goodness gracious his life was a  masterpiece. He lived life with such a fire and his desire to live life to the fullest, all the way to the very end, is both admirable and beautiful.

 

What Jed's death showed me was that death has the potential to be beautiful but what's even more beautiful is the life you lived and how you live on even after death in the hearts and minds of those that you managed to touch while on this planet. 

 

I'm always dazzled by this time of year--a beautiful transition from life to death. And while I, too, am in a transitional phase in my life, this season is taking on a whole new meaning for me. It's a beautiful time of year and it shows me that beauty can be found in the most unlikely of places--such as loss, tragedy, and even death.

I was playing with my watercolors and decided to try something from kindergarten. These are trees made from blowing air through a straw. I love how they turned out! Each one is unique! Give it a try--it's super easy and fun.

Only 28 days until Halloween!

a.r.w.

Shine

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

*GASP!*

 

What do you mean Amanda didn't draw the face of a girl? What is this world coming to? What's that outside your window? Did a pig just fly by? It must be the end of days!

 

I drew a picture of me and Adam (yes, this is supposed to be my husband) but I thought he looked way better than I did, so you only get to see his side of the doodle.

 

This is one of my favorite quotes from Roald Dahl from my favorite of his books The Twits. At the very beginning of his book he says, "A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose or a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

 

I remember reading that line as a child and wanting desperately to attain that shine that Mr. Dahl spoke of. For most of my life I made it my mission to be happy, kind to others, and always look on the bright side.

 

Since Jed's passing from Here to There, it's been a lot harder to have good thoughts. I fear that my shine slowly began to fade, shrouded by the sadness and depression I was (and, let's be honest, still am) feeling.

 

It's been up to Adam to keep the good thoughts going. He has been the one to pick me up each time I slip into the darkness, whether he brings home flowers, cooks dinner, makes me laugh, or buys me a new writing desk (EEEEE!!!!!). He's definitely picked up the slack in thinking good thoughts and being happy... because he's doing it for two of us right now.

 

Luckily, sometimes, his good thoughts are so strong and he shines so bright, it makes me smile and shine too. It's been slow, but I am trying to think good thoughts more and more and maybe one day (not so far away), I will shine again.

 

a.r.w.

 

PS: It's now officially fall! Pumpkin spice EVERYTHING.

 

PPS: The only thing better than a beard is a beard made of flowers.

PPPS: I like to throw coffee at my paper. I call it freckled paper! Because nothing in life is perfect--not even white paper. 

Kisses

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Those long, exhausting, sluggish days of summer have vanished (at least here in Siberia) and we are fully immersed in the crispness of Autumn... Of course, it could be snowing next week for all we know!

 

I love everything about Autumn. Even the air is electrified--you feel so much more aware of your body. The cold air bites at your cheeks and just makes it feel so much more alive.

 

I was walking to work today in 45 degree weather and I found that I had missed the cold, crispness of Fall. In China, there was no Fall... You went from humid, hot summer, to cold rain in winter. There was no transition, no changing colors, and no crisp kisses. Here, we have it all. The cold, the colorful leaves, that smell of rotting leaves... Everything is dying around you and yet you have never felt more alive!

 

Today's writing prompt was "nevermore" and my imagination went wild with different ideas... But they were all wiped away this morning on my walk to work as this image appeared in my mind. So here is (yet another) doodle (of a girl's face [my husband likes to point out]). I feel like you all deserved a break from the spookiness for today. I'm sure it'll return tomorrow.

 

a.r.w.