Cascade

memories of you

come cascading down my cheeks

whispering your words 

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First rehearsal for All Through the Night and I have a lot of time on my hands and an empty notebook... Here's a haiku (shock shock) that found its way into the crazy collage of doodles from tonight. 

a.r.w.

Pulling

My hair is being pulled by the stars again.

~Anaïs Nin

 

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I absolutely love Anais Nin. I think that she has some of the absolute greatest and most beautiful thoughts, ideas, and quotes of all time. She talks of writing, love, life, and the fear of the mundane. If you haven't read anything of hers or heard of her, you need to just go to Goodreads and read her quotes--they will inspire you!

 

One of my hopes with this blog was to recapture that whimsical nature I once had. I've always been a dreamer with my head in the clouds, reaching for the stars, ready to follow my nose. Lately, I've been a bit more timid, afraid of very real world things, and that fanciful world that I always lived in is painted black and frightens me. Slowly but surely, I feel myself painting my world back to the colorful place I've always known it to be.

 

The minute I read this quote, I saw this painting in my head. I wasn't sure if I had the talent to do this painting... The stars and sky I hate but I am actually really proud of the girl's face (yes, shock shock! It's a face of a girl again). I might try to redo the background someday when I get better at this. But overall, I'm really proud of myself and how this painting turned out... I hope it did Anais proud.

 

I'm trying to find the nerve in me to follow where the stars want to take me and with each step I feel like I'm returning to a piece of my old self again. Only time will tell...

 

a.r.w.

Shine

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*GASP!*

 

What do you mean Amanda didn't draw the face of a girl? What is this world coming to? What's that outside your window? Did a pig just fly by? It must be the end of days!

 

I drew a picture of me and Adam (yes, this is supposed to be my husband) but I thought he looked way better than I did, so you only get to see his side of the doodle.

 

This is one of my favorite quotes from Roald Dahl from my favorite of his books The Twits. At the very beginning of his book he says, "A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose or a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

 

I remember reading that line as a child and wanting desperately to attain that shine that Mr. Dahl spoke of. For most of my life I made it my mission to be happy, kind to others, and always look on the bright side.

 

Since Jed's passing from Here to There, it's been a lot harder to have good thoughts. I fear that my shine slowly began to fade, shrouded by the sadness and depression I was (and, let's be honest, still am) feeling.

 

It's been up to Adam to keep the good thoughts going. He has been the one to pick me up each time I slip into the darkness, whether he brings home flowers, cooks dinner, makes me laugh, or buys me a new writing desk (EEEEE!!!!!). He's definitely picked up the slack in thinking good thoughts and being happy... because he's doing it for two of us right now.

 

Luckily, sometimes, his good thoughts are so strong and he shines so bright, it makes me smile and shine too. It's been slow, but I am trying to think good thoughts more and more and maybe one day (not so far away), I will shine again.

 

a.r.w.

 

PS: It's now officially fall! Pumpkin spice EVERYTHING.

 

PPS: The only thing better than a beard is a beard made of flowers.

PPPS: I like to throw coffee at my paper. I call it freckled paper! Because nothing in life is perfect--not even white paper. 

Kisses

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It's the most wonderful time of the year! Those long, exhausting, sluggish days of summer have vanished (at least here in Siberia) and we are fully immersed in the crispness of Autumn... Of course, it could be snowing next week for all we know!

 

I love everything about Autumn. Even the air is electrified--you feel so much more aware of your body. The cold air bites at your cheeks and just makes it feel so much more alive.

 

I was walking to work today in 45 degree weather and I found that I had missed the cold, crispness of Fall. In China, there was no Fall... You went from humid, hot summer, to cold rain in winter. There was no transition, no changing colors, and no crisp kisses. Here, we have it all. The cold, the colorful leaves, that smell of rotting leaves... Everything is dying around you and yet you have never felt more alive!

 

Today's writing prompt was "nevermore" and my imagination went wild with different ideas... But they were all wiped away this morning on my walk to work as this image appeared in my mind. So here is (yet another) doodle (of a girl's face [my husband likes to point out]). I feel like you all deserved a break from the spookiness for today. I'm sure it'll return tomorrow.

 

a.r.w.