Earth Mother Now

where is Earth Mother now?
the embrace that once held me when I cried
the one who knew just what to do
and fixed all my problems with a sigh

she once held my hand
and guided me down the road
a touch of wisdom, a bit of sass
as she helped me with my load

this world can be a heavy burden
one far too large to bear
but i always knew that there'd be one 
always standing there

where is my Earth Mother now?
it's been years since she's been seen
perhaps she's sold her Nike's 
to get just a bit more green

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day two of Mother Earth Week brings us another poem, this time not my grandmother's words but my own. A bit darker. A bit sadder. A bit more lost. But that is Life, isn't it? 

This poem is, I suppose, a sequel to the one my grandmother wrote. Many of my Gramma Aw's poems have a quirky loneliness to them. But that doesn't make me feel surprised or sad because sometimes I feel that way too. Quirky and lonely. I think dreamers, artists, poets, and wanderers are all quirky and lonely so we use our words and imagination to help bring others into our loneliness. We live in another world and we want to share it, even if some might find it slightly skewed.

a.r.w.

Earth Mother

Where is Earth Mother -
Who held lovers, sons,
Daughters, and worlds - 
Held them all close to her
Bosom?
Did you last see her
In calico frock -
Garlands laced through tresses
With a smile on her lips
And a star in her eyes - 
Is that where you last saw
Earth Mother?

Did you last see her
Cradle the Earth
Kiss the bruises of man
And hug them tight - 
Only to weep for us all;
Is that where you last saw
Earth Mother?

I can't say for sure -
My memory's dim
But the last time I looked
I'm sure -
I saw a slight figure
Rounding a trail
With "the bird" of the world
And a whistle from her lips
She just walked by -

Wearing her $40 Nike's!

l.c.w.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It is officially Earth Week!

I know it's been a loooooong time since I've posted much on this blog. It was a good way to cope with the less than ideal situation that was Russia. But honestly, life in America was nice and healing (Christmas in Disney World doesn't hurt too much) and life here in China hasn't been too bad either.

But I couldn't resist reviving An Accord of Dreamers--I'm a hippie in my heart and Earth Day is an important day... though everyday should technically be Earth Day, don't you think? It's especially hard living in China where you see first hand the damage that people can do to our Giant Blueberry. Littering is more common than breathing over here and it kills me. My Gramma Aw always instilled in me, "Don't litter!" so whenever I see someone--young or old--toss trash on the ground or I see the harsh black smoke billowing into the air as people burn coal, a little bit of me dies inside.

Anyway, I won't go into a tirade about how climate change is our biggest enemy in today's day and age or how you should all vote for Bernie Sanders because he's the only candidate that will actually do something to save our Giant Blueberry **hint**

Instead, I want to celebrate Earth Week by bringing this blog back to life at least for a little bit. Each day, I will share Earth Mother--my topless, lavender hair, Nike wearing Earth Mother originally created by my Gramma Aw.

This poem is called Earth Mother and it was written 30 or 40 years ago... I wish there was a date on it. I loved it so much when I first read it, I designed the Earth Mother I saw in my mind to go along with the poem--it is a Wee Woomer Women Creation!

These next few blog posts will be in honor of my Gramma Aw. While she is still Here on our Giant Blueberry, I know her mind and spirit are already There, no matter what the dementia and the doctors might say to convince me otherwise.

This picture is a few years old... Look! I'm still a blondie.

She was my tutor and my mentor growing up. She taught me to respect the Earth and stand silently in the forest. She taught me to listen. She taught me to just be. She is still my inspiration. She is my Earth Mother.

a.r.w.

Away

the day you went away

nothing could prepare me

for the day you went away.

i saw the writing on the wall

yet still begged you to stay.

"please don't leave me all alone.

don't make me journey on

through this life's endless hopes and fears

after you've already gone."

a battle was bravely fought

and won... and lost.

and in our deep heartbreak

into a new world we were forced to cross.

i stood all alone

in a sea of doubt.

if there was no hope to be had

what was this life all about?

i wandered through my days

suddenly lost and unfeeling,

not an end at all in sight.

no chance of ever healing.

i had lost my dear sweet brother--

my long lost forgotten half.

now the silenced shared laughter

in the old photograph.

so far away.

so lost and alone.

no one could save me.

my heart turned to stone.

i still look back

on the day you went away.

i call out, "why, god? why?"

but won't hear what he has to say.

i find my comfort

in the stars above.

though distant, their light still shines

just like our shared love.

i don't need solutions

or answers to why.

all i need to do

is look up to the sky.

"i am not gone,"

a voice whispers to me.

"i am everywhere now.

oh, why can't you see?

"even as the sun shines,

the stars are still there.

let their light remind you

how much i still care.

"so continue through life--

see what lies in store.

i'll be There waiting for you

when you walk through the door."

nothing could prepare me

for the day you went away.

but as i sit and close my eyes,

loud and clear, i hear you say,

"don't worry about me!

i promise i'm fine.

we'll be together again, i swear.

but while you wait in the meantime

"take the love i gave to you;

here's the gift that i bestow:

share my love with those around you.

stand back and watch it grow!

"this is all i have to give--

this is my gift to you.

i hope it makes you smile

and will help others, too."

a piece of my heart

followed you that day.

but it seems a piece of yours, too,

decided that it would stay.

this life isn't easy.

my world is a mess.

but you were Here for a short while...

so it was blessed, nonetheless.

a.r.w.

Cascade

memories of you

come cascading down my cheeks

whispering your words 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

First rehearsal for All Through the Night and I have a lot of time on my hands and an empty notebook... Here's a haiku (shock shock) that found its way into the crazy collage of doodles from tonight. 

a.r.w.

Jewels

sparkling like jewels

emeralds, rubies, and sapphires

light up my dark days

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Christmas tree decorating! It is a beautiful sight to see...

a.r.w.

Go

strap your hiking boots

pack your life into a bag

go and see the world 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I got to hang out with a very good friend last night and he always gets the wanderlust bug flittering in my belly!! Adventure is in the air and I can't wait to start to see the world again...

a.r.w.

Learn

magic and kindness 

learn from the firefly's way

and do as they do

a.r.w.

Blessings

now is the time to

count your blessings while they're here

gratitude and love

*~*~*~*~*~*

Happy Thanksgiving one and all. It's s bit hard to feel thankful after the year that 2015 was for me and my family... It's hard to make a list of what I'm thankful for. 

But I am thankful for my parents who continue to astound me with their strength, friends and family who have continued to weather the storm with us, and the unwavering and selfless love my husband shows me each day. Even in the darkness of the moment, stars of happiness can shine through. 

Happy thanksgiving. 

a.r.w.

Within

the great universe 

begs to be seen from within

it's shining through you

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went back to church again today and while I didn't make it to the sanctuary this time, Adam (my husband) and I did have a great, healing talk. Little by little, each day, I am trying to feel more connected to the universe. 

a.r.w.

Find

to find your true self

it's one way or another 

good luck finding it

*~*~*~*~*~*

This haiku sounds like a Hufflepuff... FIND!! 

a.r.w.

Notes

missing you each day

gentle music notes make me

miss you even more

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went to church for the first time today since Jed died. Needless to say, it did not go too well... But we got a poem out of it so that's a plus. 

a.r.w.

Words

words etched on the page

breathe life to an unknown world

create with each thought

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I finished NaNoWriMo today!

 

a.r.w.

Bags

count down the hours

a life packed up in three bags

only one more day

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I'm not sure if "hours" has one syllable or two... Seriously, you try to figure it out!

 

This haiku says it all. Our bags are packed. We're in the process of cleaning out the apartment. The taxi is ordered. We're checked into our flight. And only three more lessons stand between me and home sweet home.

 

I cannot wait to see you all, hug you, and kiss you. Sometimes it feels as if life is too short to spend away from the ones you love.

 

See you real soon!

 

a.r.w.

Again

figures kneeling down

faces painted on the wall

to have faith again

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Adam and I went to a beautiful Russian Orthodox church yesterday (finally). It was beautiful on the outside but breathtaking on the inside. Every space on the walls and ceilings were covered in murals and portraits of saints and national heroes. There were candles burning everywhere, icon photos, incense burning, and people crossing themselves in faith.

 

It's no secret that I've been struggling with believing in a lot of things lately but standing in that place, seeing so many people around me drenched in their faith was admirable and inspiring. Faith can be a beautiful thing, indeed.

 

 

Two days left until the land of the free and the home of the brave!

 

a.r.w.

Beginning

a small beginning

all the forest can be found

in just an acorn

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

Here is a haiku for Jed. It is always at night that I relive that terrible day in New York but I try to focus on what came from you and your life and not how sad I am that it was cut so tragically short.

 

a.r.w.

Girl

i hope i can be

the human i imagined

when i was a girl

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I always wonder what seven year old Amanda would think of the 25 year old Amanda. I like to think she'd be pretty impressed and proud of herself. I hope that you can find the wonder of your inner child and make them proud.

 

a.r.w.

Counting

i count down the days

until i hold you, hear you

until i see you

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

There are so many in my heart that I miss and yearn to see again. Some are near and others are much too far to see again in this life. But one thing's for sure: I'll be home soon and that thought makes me smile.

 

All is well.

 

a.r.w.

Tears

i think of you and

my tears start watering the

flowers of my soul

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

At least that's what I tell myself on days like this... Definitely my hardest day since arriving in Russia and I am ready to head home where I know my tears and grief can begin to be understood.

 

a.r.w.

Tuna

tuna in a bowl

i love you...  but you smell bad

get in my mouth now

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Today's haiku is brought to you by Adam... because I didn't have time to create much of anything today.

 

a.r.w.

Fulfill

step into the light

guide my hands and be my voice

fulfill your own dreams

2006, 2009, 2012

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

So it's been made official--Adam and I are leaving Russia two weeks from tomorrow and returning to the US of A for a few months. I admit, my soul is a bit relieved to be returning to my family for our first Christmas season without Jed here. But there is another reason why I am anxious to get home...

 



I find myself returning to the stage once more and not under the best circumstances. There is a precious and beautiful show that the Ghostlight Theatre puts on every three years at this time called All Through the Night. Jed had been a part of it for the last nine years--first as the little boy, Wally, and then twice as the older boy, John. But his dream, ever since he played Wally, was to get to play the college kid, Neil. This year was going to be his year. His goal after surgery was to be strong enough to finally take the stage as Neil.

We all know that he never got his wish... so it's been decided that I will be filling in his place as his understudy. It will be hard... but it will be good. I hope to make Jed proud and hope that he helps me (and the rest of the cast) through this because it will definitely be a tough, emotional ride.

a.r.w.