Away

the day you went away

nothing could prepare me

for the day you went away.

i saw the writing on the wall

yet still begged you to stay.

"please don't leave me all alone.

don't make me journey on

through this life's endless hopes and fears

after you've already gone."

a battle was bravely fought

and won... and lost.

and in our deep heartbreak

into a new world we were forced to cross.

i stood all alone

in a sea of doubt.

if there was no hope to be had

what was this life all about?

i wandered through my days

suddenly lost and unfeeling,

not an end at all in sight.

no chance of ever healing.

i had lost my dear sweet brother--

my long lost forgotten half.

now the silenced shared laughter

in the old photograph.

so far away.

so lost and alone.

no one could save me.

my heart turned to stone.

i still look back

on the day you went away.

i call out, "why, god? why?"

but won't hear what he has to say.

i find my comfort

in the stars above.

though distant, their light still shines

just like our shared love.

i don't need solutions

or answers to why.

all i need to do

is look up to the sky.

"i am not gone,"

a voice whispers to me.

"i am everywhere now.

oh, why can't you see?

"even as the sun shines,

the stars are still there.

let their light remind you

how much i still care.

"so continue through life--

see what lies in store.

i'll be There waiting for you

when you walk through the door."

nothing could prepare me

for the day you went away.

but as i sit and close my eyes,

loud and clear, i hear you say,

"don't worry about me!

i promise i'm fine.

we'll be together again, i swear.

but while you wait in the meantime

"take the love i gave to you;

here's the gift that i bestow:

share my love with those around you.

stand back and watch it grow!

"this is all i have to give--

this is my gift to you.

i hope it makes you smile

and will help others, too."

a piece of my heart

followed you that day.

but it seems a piece of yours, too,

decided that it would stay.

this life isn't easy.

my world is a mess.

but you were Here for a short while...

so it was blessed, nonetheless.

a.r.w.

Phone

It's a very special phone book. I can't tell you where I got it or who gave it to me. All I know is one day it was in my hand. 

As I flipped through its pages, it took me a moment before I realized that I recognized each of the names written in a simple, neat script. But they weren't the names of my friends... Each of these people had died. All that was written in the phone book was their name and a phone number, each one different--specific just for them. 

I could call my best friend who died suddenly when I was nine. Or my grandfather who had only just died a few years ago. 

The phone book frightened me at first but then one day when I came home from school to learn that my parents were separating, I finally decided to dial one of the numbers in the book. 

The phone rang and rang and rang. And just when I thought I would get the operator, someone picked up. My grandmother. 

Don't ask me how I knew it was her. I just do. It was something in my soul. 

After that, I found myself using the phone book to call family and friends I had lost too soon. 

For months the phone book was mine--all mine--until I learned that my friend's little brother had just passed away after being diagnosed with cancer. 

I ran to their house as quick as I could and was engulfed in the suffocating grief. I spent the afternoon with the family, cooking dinner for them, doing their laundry, and offering hugs when I could. 

As I went to leave for the night, something made me stop and turn back to my friend's mom. 

"I-" I started but stopped, wondering what they would think of me. The feeling of the phone book in my bag hung down on me, weighing me down. This was something I could not keep from them--the power of the phone book needed to be shared. "I think I know of a way to talk with Julian."

My friend's dad who was a bit old fashioned, scowled at me. "Our son is in heaven," he informed me. "We won't be able to speak with him again until we join him."

"You're wrong." I knew there could have been a better way to handle the situation but I didn't want his beliefs to get in the way of his wife and daughter talking to Julian again. This phone book had been a precious gift to me and I knew it would bless them just as much as it had blessed me. "There is a way," I declared, pulling the phone book out of my bag. 

"A notebook?" My friend shook her head, clearly confused. 

"A phone book," I corrected her before opening it and flipping through it. "It has the name of every person I've ever known who passed away--my friend Katie, my grandparents, Brad from school..." My voice drifted off as I came to the final and newest name in the book. "And Julian," I whispered, placing the book in his mother's hands. 

She stared down at the name and the assigned number beside it, trembling. 

"How?" She looked up to me for answers though I had none to give. 

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. But I do know that it works. I've talked to everyone in here. But I think you should be the one to talk with Julian."

"It's witchcraft!" My friend's dad shouted, trying to rip the book from his wife's hands. 

"It's not witchcraft," I tried to defend though I knew how difficult that might be to believe. "If you don't believe me, try it--call him."

"I think you should leave."

"I want to try."

We all turned to look and see my friend's mom with her phone in her hand, the number already dialed. 

"Claire," her husband tried to stop her.

She just shook her head. "I have to try," she whispered as she pressed CALL. 

We all stood in silence, waiting to see what would happened. The family was about to give up but I knew it took seven rings before they picked up and as my friend's mom let out a gasp, I knew it had worked. 

"Julian?" Her voice was light and airy but her eyes were wide open as she spun around to look at me. I gave a smile, urging her to go on. She slowly turned and whispered, "Julian, it's mommy..."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Six years ago today we got a phone call telling us that my dad's dad had just died. Almost eight months ago, my brother joined him over There. Death is a strange thing...

Julian was the name of a young boy also in Roswell while Jed was there. The doctors sent him home to die, giving him just 100 days to live... That was last August. 

Today's writing prompt was "a ringing phone"... I wish I had a phone book to call each of them and just sit and talk. So many talks I took for granted...

a.r.w.

Run

I chased after Lord Death willing my legs to run just a bit faster than they ever managed to go in gym class. He was fleeing like an animal--to see him in such a way made me panic. Faster and faster I chased him and when I felt as though I couldn't run any further, Death reached out his hand and pulled me along. 

"I won't leave you behind!" he shouted though most of his words were lost in the roar coming from whatever beast hovered above us. "Run!"

I didn't think we could do it but we manage to reach the cliff face in time. The opening in the wall was just wide enough for a person to slip through. 

Lord Death slid to a stop and pushed me inside, scraping my elbow in the process. He lipped in build me with a grunt and we were both shrouded in darkness. 

"Move!" he ordered as he pushed me deeper into the cave, the sound of the monster clawing at the rock face  shaking the entire cave. 

Death and I just stood still, holding our breaths and clinging to the walls around us, hoping that somehow we could hold up the world as it came tumblng down around us. 

The creature roared and dust and debris continued to fall down on us. 

"Alright," I whispered as my voice shook wildly, nearly choking me with fear. "I am officially freaking out now."

I could feel Death lean in close, trying to hear me. After a moment he nodded his head. "I'm scared too."

I knew his words were intended to make me feel better and to offer me some comfort but they did anything but bring me comfort. "Yeah," I muttered. "Definitely not what I needed to hear right now."

We slipped back into silence and I found myself clinging to Death as he wedged himself between myself and the opening of the cave. The world continued to rattle and shake. 

"Are we going to die?"

"No," Death declared. I could sense the change in him. As if he had gone from victim to victor in the blink of an eye. There was a spark in his eyes and an energy coming from him. 

It was at that moment--the moment when Death returned to his old self--that the beast outside attacked once more, shaking the cave to its very core. 

"Go!" Death shouted, spinning me around in the narrow space. "Move!"

I climbed over boulders, crawled under rubble, and scurried down the narrow path. We paused in our escape to spin around and watch as the mouth of the cave ripped apart, blocking out the light and silencing the beast outside. 

"The cave fell in!" I was feeling more and more helpless and hopeless with each passing moment. "What do we do?"

"Keep going," Death tried though I could hear the hopelessness creep into his voice as well. "There has to be a way out."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We were getting a bit too romance-y in the story so I threw in a dinosaur monster, a disaster, and up next is a kidnapping. Yay for hijinks!

a.r.w.

Notes

missing you each day

gentle music notes make me

miss you even more

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went to church for the first time today since Jed died. Needless to say, it did not go too well... But we got a poem out of it so that's a plus. 

a.r.w.

Becks

“Becks,” I whispered.

“What?”

“Becks,” I repeated. “You can call me Becks. Every one else does.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment. This was an intimacy that we had not yet shared with one another. I always felt strange when I heard him call me Rebecca—only my Aunt Audrey would call me that and my mom when I was in trouble when I was a little girl. It was not that I didn't like my name but it just wasn't me—I was Becks to my parents, my friends, and to Jed… deep down, I wanted to be Becks to Lord Death as well.

“Becks,” he finally tried my name for the first time. I could sense a change in the air between us. As if a shiver ran down both of our spines as he whispered my name. In a way, I felt that he was here to replace the hole that Lee had left in my heart. He was something to me, but I just didn't know what that "something" was just yet.

All of my thoughts and sense of reason seemed to freeze the moment I felt Death’s arms wrap around me. His body was pressed up tightly against mine, trapping me between the rock face in front of me and his body behind me.

“What are you doing?” There was no way I could hide the panic in my voice. My eyes were wide and I suddenly felt much more awake than I had only a moment ago, more aware than ever before.

“You are shivering and your teeth are chattering,” his voice was calm and smooth just as it always was even in the most uncomfortable situations. “We cannot build a fire so we must use one another to keep warm through the night.”

“Is this really necessary?” I could feel my heart beat faster and faster the more aware I became of his body pressed up again mine.

“It is if you do not wish to lose another one of your pearls.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am back safe and sound in the US and less than 2,000 words away from the 50K finish line!

Here is a snippet from what I managed to write on the plane yesterday (after 35 hours of being awake, you'd think I would have managed to get more than 5,000 words...). It looks like Becks and Death are managing to get somewhere... heheheh...

Also! I posted a haiku yesterday, till trying to maintain the "create something every day theme" so if you didn't read it yet, you can check it out here.

a.r.w.

Pirates

Death shook his head and laughed—it was a sight that I had come to love to see what with the constant threat of Lee, the pressure from Maurielle, and the constant worry that I would make one wrong move and keel over dead.

I joined him in his laughter and for a moment we both forgot why it was we now found ourselves in the middle of the Badlands, journeying through the Betwixt.

The reprieve was short lived and soon our laughter died back down.

He cleared his throat before saying softly, “It would be wise if we keep our voices down over the next few days as we make our way through the Badlands.” I wanted to question him on his use of the word ‘days’ but he continued, “We don't want to draw unnecessary attention to ourselves.”

“What exactly is in the Badlands?” I ask him, curiously, as we climbed back up onto our horses.

“The Forsaken,” he started with the obvious answer; the thought of the Forsaken's sharp teeth and lifeless eyes still made me shiver. “Anyone who has been banished through the years…” He stopped to think before he added, “Oh, and pirates.”

“Pirates?” I felt like I was quickly becoming a parrot constantly echoing his words. “You mean like Captain Jack and Yo-Ho-Ho?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” He sighed.

“But how is that possible? This is practically a desert! How can there be pirates with no water?”

He scoffed at the sound of my disbelief. Looking over at me from the corner of his eye, he laughed, “I take it you have never met a land pirate before?”

“A land pirate?” This place was getting stranger with each passing day and each new revelation.

“Don't laugh,” he warned me. “They are far more vicious than their sea faring brothers.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Because a story is incomplete without pirates.

 

I'm at 43K words in my NaNo novel and less than 48 hours left here in Russia. Needless to say, I have many things to be excited for!

 

a.r.w.

Cocoon

“Rebecca!” I could hear a voice call out my name from beyond the darkness of my mind. “Rebecca!” There was panic and desperation in his voice.

The cold touch of his hands on my arms helped to bring me back from the darkness and my eyes snapped open to find Death standing beside my bed, his hands on my shoulders, and his eyes wide as he stared down at me in the mixture of concern and pure terror.

It was the sight of Death standing beside me—the fact that it had been him to reach in and pull me out of that nightmare—that made a sense of relief wash over my like a baptism.

I clung to him as if he was the only thing that could save me from drowning in the tidal wave of my fears. Burying my face in his chest, I just held onto him, sobbing with no way of stopping myself, controlling my tears, or trying to pretend to be brave.

I don't know how much time passed as I continued to shake and sob into his chest. I must have dozed off in exhaustion because when I came to, he was lying on the bed beside me, his arms wrapped around me like a cocoon to shield me from the terrors of the night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

This was the moment I was waiting for in my story. Breaking through that ally-enemy barrier ever so slightly... the angst makes me a happy Amanda.

 

Happy halfway mark through NaNoWriMo! Remember: you should be at 25K by the end of today!! AND today was mine and Adam's last day off work. We managed to pack up our apartment, explore the city of Novosibirsk one last time, AND I wrote over 3,000 words.

 

Three days and we'll be on our way back to the land of the free and the home of the brave... Huzzah!!

 

a.r.w.

Haze

The world was quiet. It had never bothered me, the silence of these dreams until this very moment as I wandered through the darkness and the mist, not even my footsteps made a sound. As I continued to wander, my nervous creeping footsteps grew into a panicked run and my breathing was silenced by the mysterious mist.

If the haze made me feel nervous and claustrophobic, the silence of this dark, life ess place made me feel trapped. I stumbled, searching for a way out, an exit of some kind—a way to escape from the dream.

As I turned around, suddenly feeling disoriented and unsure of which way I had come from, something bright crossed in front of my face, making me scream… though no sound came from me. In the brightness of the light, I saw Lee’s face, staring directly into my eyes.

I stood there for a moment, frozen in fear. Up until this moment in my dreams, I had watched him scour the haze, searching for me but he was never able to find me… until now.

Without a sound or any sign of what he was thinking, he leapt forward, his hands reaching out to grab a hold of me—he finally found me.

I screamed once more and this time it erupted from my throat.

I leapt up from the bed, my heart pounding and my scream still echoing through the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Dun! Dun! Dun!

 

It looks like the doorway between the Betwixt and the realm of the angels has opened just a bit more. Lee, Becks' guardian angel, has finally spotted her. I suppose it's only  matter of time before he finally gets a hold of her...

 

a.r.w.

Teetering

“Shall we?” Lord Death ushered me forward and closed the door tightly behind us, locking us away from the rest of the world. It was a realization that actually made me sigh in relief… something I never would have thought I could possibly do—find comfort in the idea of being alone with the god of death.

It was strange to think that just a short time ago, I had feared him so much--hated him even.

I would never say that I felt completely comfortable in his presence but, other than Jed, he was the only one in the Betwixt that I was slowly beginning to trust. He had proven himself time and time again since I had arrived here and he had shown me that he did actually have my best interest at heart.

It was something I had never anticipated in this place but as I looked around I suddenly found myself in the lap of luxury, eating, wearing, and living the very finest... far more than I ever had in life. And yet the fine food, beautiful room, elegant gowns, and even the kindness of Lord Death did not take away the longing I still felt in my chest—my deep seeded desire to return home.

It was this strange emotion. I felt that I needed to be home—that was where I belonged on earth in the land of the living surrounded by my family and friends for the next fifty or sixty years.

And yet, it had been some time—a year since Jed had passed away—since I had ever felt so alive!

It took being surrounded by the dead to make me feel more alive that I ever had in my entire life.

I was euphoric seeing my little brother alive, healthy, smiling, and whole once again despite the cost it came with—losing my own life and living out the remainder of my days as little more than a prisoner, separated from what I was intended to be.

My mind was like a see saw, teetering back and forth between feeling homesick and longing to go home to be with my parents and being perfectly content to remain here in the Betwixt, reunited with my little brother for the rest of time…

Not ever having to endure that grief and that indescribable feeling of loss anymore was like finally learning how to breathe again—I didn't want to give it up... which then made me question me sanity of wanting to remain here.

Needless to say, I was confused and I would not be solving any of my problems both real or imagined any time soon.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin from the sound of Lord Death’s voice being whispered in my ear and the tickle of his breath on my cheek.

Quickly running my hand through my hair, trying to rid myself of the shivers and goosebumps that were suddenly popping up all along my arms, I ended up laughing like a nervous little girl, “Oh,” I tried to assure him with little to no effect what so ever, “It is nothing. Nothing…”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I managed to get a bit of writing in today... still not nearly as far along as I'd like to be (just broke 30K) but I still have about a week to finish up which is my personal goal.

 

This piece of my NaNo story is very personal to me (if you couldn't tell with the very obvious tribute to my brother in the story). It's reflective, I guess. These are my thoughts if I was in Becks' situation. If I was reunited with my brother over There, I would feel conflicted. Thrilled beyond all belief or words (seriously, there are no words in existence that would be able to come close to describe how happy I would be) but also homesick for my parents, husband, family, and friends. It's that strange separation between Here and There, the world of the living and the world of the dead.

 

This was also loosely based off of a family friend and her message to us after she went to see a psychic. Apparently, there was a very tall young man, standing back and waiting patiently to talk. Finally waving to get the medium's attention, he said to tell his mom that he is happy and whole. Our friend didn't know what he meant (though she immediately knew it was Jed) but we instantly thought of how we had donated Jed's heart and lungs to his surgeon to study... to hopefully help future kids in Jed's shoes. It would be like Jed to patiently wait his turn and be nothing but smiles... I need to learn a lesson or two from that boy (still... I'm always trying to learn from him...).

 

a.r.w.

Beginning

a small beginning

all the forest can be found

in just an acorn

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

Here is a haiku for Jed. It is always at night that I relive that terrible day in New York but I try to focus on what came from you and your life and not how sad I am that it was cut so tragically short.

 

a.r.w.

Your Book

“Can I ask you why?” I finally ventured to ask him the question I had always wanted to ask him but I suppose I just never found the time to do so between feeding his killer dogs, avoiding murder multiple times, and reuniting with loved ones who had died before me.

“Why what?”

“Why is it that reading my book is such a dangerous thing for me to do?”

It really didn't make any sense to me. It was a book filled with my story—my life. Half of it I had already experienced and lived myself, it held no surprises, no new knowledge for me so there was no danger in that aspect of the story. It was the future—what was yet to come—that I knew Lord Death referred to. Events and moments that I did not yet know were about to happen; I did not know how my story would end, where it would lead and I suppose the danger that Lord Death spoke of lied within that. But Maurielle also spoke of fate and destiny as something that you cannot change and cannot run away from. Even if I read my book, didn't like what I saw and tried to do things a bit differently, there would be no escape, because you cannot run from your destiny… or at least that is what Lord Death whispered to me my first day here in the Betwixt. The thought still made me uneasy even though I had no idea what it was I wanted to run from.

He sighed and closed his eyes as if I exhausted him—not just my questions but my presence here in the Betwixt. Making sure that I was not getting into any trouble and that I was safe and sound was enough of a full time job for him on top of being the ruler of the Betwixt.

“No human has ever been permitted to read their life story until after it has completely ended and they have arrived safely here in the Betwixt. Then and only then are they permitted to open the book and read it. Most humans have no idea that a book about their entire lives even exist so that should be a treat enough for you to even know that one day you will be able to sit down and look at your entire life and see what you were able to accomplish.”

It was as if he expected me to be content with that. As if that would be enough to make me be the perfect little ward and follow all the rules despite the fact that this was still eating away at me—gnawing at my very soul.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I had a pretty good day of writing today with almost 6,000 words written. Compared to other years that is nothing to be too proud of but the way this year has been going (and will continue to go I realize as I look at my ridiculous work schedule for next week...) it has been my strongest day yet!

 

I always liked the idea of all of your accomplishments, failures, dreams, and relationships being recorded down in a book for you to flip through and read after you've died. You can see what an incredible life you had and the number of lives you managed to touch...

 

But Becks better watch out! We all know what curiosity did to that poor cat...

 

a.r.w.

Rip

A peculiar sound boomed all around us at that very moment—our moment of contact. It almost sounded like something was ripping through the sky above us.

The two of us stood in silence for a moment, both of us trying to figure out what in the world we were listening to when something caught our eye.

Above our heads was a blinding white light.

I let out a scream as I quickly realized the light was getting bigger as the sound was getting louder—whatever this thing was, it was headed right for us.

My hand still in his, Death jumped into action, leading me running down the narrow alleyway for my life. My free hand clung to the pearls around my neck suddenly feeling I might use them all up in one fell swoop. My legs struggled to keep up with Death’s long stride—I had never been the best athlete and the long skirt I was wearing did little to help me any further.

The gloom and darkness of the alley quickly disappeared as it was bathed in the light of the monstrous ball still rushing toward us at a deadly speed. Rats and spiders fled from the light as we continued to run, the noise becoming so deafening that I truly believed my ears might start to bleed.

The impact was cataclysmic.

The ball of white light crashed, a clap of thunder with a wave of power sent both Death and I flying through the air as if we were nothing more than rag dolls.

I hit my head on something that caused my world to go black for just a moment. Desperately blinking the stars from my eyes, I felt Death crawl to me and lay on top of me, his hand covering the back of my head that was already sticky with my blood.

We remained like that—both of us lying on the filthy ground, him on top of me, our clothes scorched from the explosion, and our faces covered in dirt, blood, and soot—until the world around us returned to silence. We could hear the sound of people screaming and crying out in the distance but the alleyway remained as silent as a tomb.

I shifted beneath Death and he quickly crawled off of me, both of us suddenly uncomfortable with the closeness of the other.

“Are you hurt?” he asked the obvious question. I could see him roll his eyes at himself as his fingers explored the cut on the back of my head. He clicked his tongue but assured me, “It's not too bad. Head wounds always look worse than they really are.”

“Well it must have been pretty bad,” I pointed out as I glanced down at the pearls still hanging from my neck. For the first time, I had witnessed the power that Lord Death’s pearls—one had vanished from sight telling me that the head wound could have been and should have been a lot worse.

We stayed still for a moment, both of us clearly shaken by what had just happened—what we had just survived.

Looking back down the alley from the  way we had come running, I gasped in horror, covering my mouth to try to stop myself from crying out.

The ball of light—or whatever the monstrous thing had been—had found its target.

“Kira’s tea shop,” I found my voice and made no effort to try and stop my voice from shaking in horror as my eyes took in the sight of the wreckage.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

And just as soon as I made a character that I loved, I killed her off... I managed to do a fair share of writing today but I'm still not at my goal. Hopefully I'll hit the halfway mark tomorrow!

 

a.r.w.

Tea

“I had a feeling you’d be coming sometime after tea.” The woman with black eyes standing in the doorway looked from Lord Death to me, winking.

“I was hoping to have a little chat with you—if you have the time.”

“My lord, I am dead,” she declared with a flourish of her hands, ushering us into her home. “I have nothing but time!”

Lord Death ducked down as he stepped inside the dark house after the young woman.

I remained out in the alleyway for a moment, staring into the darkness after them. If I thought the alleyway had been dark and creepy, it paled in comparison to the darkness of the house of the Empath. Death vanished from my sight and for a moment I felt safer out in the openness of the alley than I would in the darkness of the home.

Something moving before me caught my eye, making me look up again, wondering what this world would throw at me now.

It was just Lord Death, leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He looked like a shadow hiding in the darkness as he stared down the steps to where I continued to just stand.

“Rebecca?”

I must have jumped at the sound of his voice because I watched his face change from slightly annoyed at my inability to follow him to slightly humored…

There was still something in me that warned me to stay away--surely a living thing constantly being so close to death could not be healthy. There was something about him--something powerful and perhaps even dangerous--that made me nervous. But I had to trust him—at least for now.

Picking up my skirts that I was quickly coming to despise with each step I took, I let Lord Death take my hand and lead me away from the outside world and into the stuffy darkness that was the Empath's home.

I felt like I had just stepped foot inside a haunted house with lamps covered in old scarves, their tassels swaying back and forth as we wandered across the old, lop sided creaky floor. Tables filled the main room we stood in, covered with tea sets, the tea cups on their saucers rattling softly. I tried to ignore the layers upon layers of spider and cob webs billowing in the breeze over my head.

“This is the tea house,” the woman with hair as black as night explained lazily. She was dressed head to toe in white—a simple cotton dress, a scarf around her head, and a billowing shawl hanging from her arms—it was a stark contrast to her dark hair and even darker eyes. “If you’d like,” she turned her head just enough to look back at me with a smile on her face, “I can read your tea leaves after this.”

The idea of fortune telling and reading tea leaves, numerology, and tarot cards was almost laughable to me. Why did the dead need to know their future? What was there left to see? But I realized that humans always long for more—we need more, want to know more, want to see more… it makes us feel as though we have a bit more power over our lives. Of course, we never have and we most likely never will have any power or control... but it's still nice to pretend every so often, I guess.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I'm still super behind on NaNoWriMo... I just passed 15,000 words when by now I'm usually around the halfway mark. But today was a pretty decent writing day for this year so here is a snippet.

 

Enter our new character--Kira--the tea witch and Empath that brings Becks and Death a bit of unwanted news. She's named after my favorite student here in Russia and I absolutely adore her.

 

I'm hoping to get a big day of writing in tomorrow! Only 11 more days here in Russia and there is still a lot of writing to do, packing to do, and (of course) work.

 

a.r.w.

Tears

i think of you and

my tears start watering the

flowers of my soul

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

At least that's what I tell myself on days like this... Definitely my hardest day since arriving in Russia and I am ready to head home where I know my tears and grief can begin to be understood.

 

a.r.w.

Fulfill

step into the light

guide my hands and be my voice

fulfill your own dreams

2006, 2009, 2012

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

So it's been made official--Adam and I are leaving Russia two weeks from tomorrow and returning to the US of A for a few months. I admit, my soul is a bit relieved to be returning to my family for our first Christmas season without Jed here. But there is another reason why I am anxious to get home...

 



I find myself returning to the stage once more and not under the best circumstances. There is a precious and beautiful show that the Ghostlight Theatre puts on every three years at this time called All Through the Night. Jed had been a part of it for the last nine years--first as the little boy, Wally, and then twice as the older boy, John. But his dream, ever since he played Wally, was to get to play the college kid, Neil. This year was going to be his year. His goal after surgery was to be strong enough to finally take the stage as Neil.

We all know that he never got his wish... so it's been decided that I will be filling in his place as his understudy. It will be hard... but it will be good. I hope to make Jed proud and hope that he helps me (and the rest of the cast) through this because it will definitely be a tough, emotional ride.

a.r.w.

Humanity

“This isn’t at all what I expected the afterlife to be like.” I continued to look into the shop windows and watch as people—each one of them looking young and healthy and strong—laugh with one another, hug each other in greeting, and bow their heads ever so slightly each time their eyes fell upon the face of the man walking beside me.

“Well what did you expect?” The corner of his mouth was turned up ever so slightly in an attempted hidden smile as he looked over at me curiously.

“I don’t know…” I tried to think back to Sunday school. “Golden palaces, endless feasts, flowers everywhere.”

“Are you disappointed?”

It didn’t even take me a moment to answer truthfully. “No. I definitely prefer this.”

“Why?” Clearly that was not the answer he had been expecting from me.

“It’s familiar.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It feels nice and safe. It’s not perfect and so I don’t feel like I have to be either.” I smiled as I looked out at the little shops surrounding us. “Bakeries and fruit sellers. Mundane things like food and friends that I thought only belonged to the living.” I smiled as I felt a sense of relief wash over me. “It’s just nice to know we don’t lose our humanity when we die.”

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from you humans after watching you for the last few million years,” Death declared, his eyes looking around at his world and trying to see it as I was, “it’s that you love to cling to what specifically makes you human. You are a proud bunch,” he looked pointedly at me. “There’s no denying that. But if you weren’t,” he continued, “I think the Betwixt would be a much different place… and not for the better.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Today in my NaNo story, Becks got to journey beyond the gates of Styx Manor for the very first time. Lord Death is joining her as she explores the nearby village and she's quickly learning that life after death is not at all what she had imagined... and in a good way.

 

I'm halfway through Day 3 and I'm hoping to reach the big 10K mark by tonight.

 

a.r.w.

Pearls

I stood in silence, watching him as he retrieved a box from the other side of the room and returned to me and placed it in my hands. “A gift for you,” he declared with a whisper that once again made me shiver—it was as if his voice was made of ice.

I looked at him suspiciously for a moment before I looked down at the velvet box in my hands. Slowly lifting the top, I gasped as I looked down at the string of black pearls, strung into a necklace.

Looking back up at him, I must have had quite an amusing look on my face because he threw his head back and laughed at me. “I like to keep you on your toes,” he joked as he lifted the necklace from its box. “For you, my dear.”

I looked at the gift in his hands, then back up at him. We were one step away from being enemies and nowhere near close enough to be considered friends. Gift giving was not in our nature and I didn’t trust him.

He could either sense my trepidation or simply read my thoughts (neither would have surprised me at that moment). He smiled, entertained by me, I guess. “You’ll want to think about wearing this,” he assured me.

“Why?”

“It will help to keep you alive.” Simple. But effective.

I didn’t want to trust him but I was reminded of how he healed me after the Forsaken attack. If he wished me ill, he would have just left me out there with them, easily forgotten as if I never existed. But he didn’t. He came after me. For some strange reason he cared about this whole thing—this bet.

Slowly—not liking the idea of taking my eyes off of him for even a second—I turned my back to him. I could sense his smile as his fingers gently brushed against my neck, his touch leaving an icy trail along my skin. He collected my long auburn hair in his hand and softly placed it over my shoulder, careful not to pull a single hair. His cold hands unclasped the hook of the pearl necklace and he slowly wrapped it around my neck, locking it into place. His hands remained on my shoulders for a moment longer than needed, making the hair on my arms stand on end.

“It’s beautiful,” I admitted to him as I quickly turned back around—that was all the trust I had within me for the day. “But what exactly will it do?”

“You know how they say a cat has nine lives?”

“Yes.” I nodded my head not sure where this was going or how it connected with my question.

“Well, think of these as your nine lives… Though I think you’ll need more than just nine,” he explained. “If you ever find yourself in a mess and something happens to you, one of these,” he tapped a pearl, “will absorb the damage. Where you would have died, a pearl will vanish.”

“Whoa,” I whispered, looking down at the mundane little pearls in awe. He was right—I should think about wearing these little guys.

“Whoa, indeed,” he echoed, his eyes continuing to watch me intently. “The Betwixt is a dangerous place, Rebecca. I can’t have you dying on me anytime soon. If you do, your damn angel will kill me.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

And with that, NaNoWriMo has officially begun! This month will be crazy, busy, and super hectic on top of work and NaNo and life just having a way of getting into trouble.

 

NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month where you have 30 days to write 50,000 words and for the 6th year in a row, I am going to attempt it... though this is my first time trying to do it with a full time job and a husband! My story is about a girl named Becks who is caught in the middle of a bet between her guardian angel and the god of death. Here, Lord Death gives her a sort of insurance policy for protection in the Betwixt.

 

Where I tried to keep the posts spooky and scary in October in honor of Halloween, this month, most of (if not all of) my posts will be bits of writing from throughout the day. Enjoy! And happy writing to my fellow NaNoers.

 

a.r.w.

Touch

All Hallow's Eve. Samhain. Halloween.

Call it what you like but once you cross over from Here to There, it's the biggest day of the year--the one you look forward to the most. The day when the World of the Living and the World of the Dead--Here and There--touch for just a few short hours. It's the day when the veil is thin; the door is wide open.

Don't get me wrong! I journey back and forth all the time... usually when you're asleep though. I like to check in, see that everything's okay... see that you're okay. But it's hard to get your attention. A puff of smoke in the corner of your eye or a yellow bird. You hear me calling to you but then tell yourself that you were just imagining it. You dream of me... but your memory is foggy. But tonight--Halloween night--you're thinking of me, all of us... the dead. Your eyes are on me, waiting, wondering if you'll see me or hear me. It's easy to reach out to you when you're looking for me.

I've got to go! The door between Here and There has been open for a few hours now and I have a long list of people I want to get to see today...

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

A very Happy Halloween to you all! At last! The greatest day of the year has arrived and I hope you all manage to have a magical, spooky time today with family and friends and a few monsters too...

 

I was originally going to try to write a scary story for today, but then I got thinking about what Halloween is all about, how it all started. This is the day that the veil between the world of the living and the dead is at it's thinnest. You don't know who--or what--you are passing down the street on this day. Those amazing costumes you see? They might be a bit more real than you imagined. Here and There is touching today, the door is wide open, and there's no knowing who you'll bump into today!

 

I was wondering what There does to celebrate this day (imagine all of the different customs and cultures collected from all the diverse people over There!) and I imagined that it is one of the busiest days of the year for them. They don't have to sneak into your dreams to visit you. They can come to you head on, because that is what Halloween is all about. You all know who I'm waiting for... May you all be visited by someone you love today, get a little spooked, and eat your weight in candy.

 

Happy Halloween!!

 

a.r.w.

The Gift

When stars are born

 

They possess a gift or two…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

There is an old Serbian proverb that says, Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of stars. We are the very best of both worlds. Star dust makes up our very beings--star dust from millions and billions of years ago, connecting us to the very universe that surrounds. If that is not a magnificent thought, then I don't know what is.

 

Today's doodle was created from inspiration by a great number of different things throughout the day.

 

The first was listening to the music from the Disney firework show "Wishes" which starts with the very famous and oh so beloved saying, "When stars are born, they possess a gift or two... One of them is this: They have the power to make a wish come true." Immediately I thought to the precious brother I BEGGED my parents for. I wanted nothing more than to be a big sister... and my wish was granted with Jed. He has given me the greatest relationship I have ever seen between a brother and a sister, a lifetime of memories, years of laughter, and an incredible friend. I miss my brother--my star--every single day (today is one of those rough days if you can't tell...) but I am so grateful for him for making my wish come true and making my life so much brighter.

 

Another inspiration from today was a post I saw online that was between two stars talking to one another saying, "Being a human was the hardest thing I ever had to do." "Same here." My breath was taken away by that thought.  This is the hard part of life--the tears, the pain, the sickness--but that will make the joyful reunion and happy eternity over There all the sweeter. Jed has become that shining star once more, illuminating my world that has turned a bit too dark for my liking lately.

 

I think back to that beautiful quote from Star Wars: Luminous beings are we... not this crude matter. It seems to be a similar idea--across cultures--that once we make it through this part of life and travel from Here to There, life gets brighter... as do we...

 

From stars we came from and to stars we will return.

 

a.r.w.

Cleanse

water cleanses souls

brings life and renews the sick

no shame in your tears

*~*~*~*~*~*

Still in a bit of a rough patch but much better than yesterday... That has to do with the ridiculous selfless love of my husband, wise words from my mama, and the support that you guys showed. It means a lot... Being away from almost everyone you love during the hardest part of your life is no walk in the park, that's for sure!

 

I almost didn't post anything today for lack of time and inspiration but Adam almost lost it and demanded that I go to my computer and create something (thanks, babe!). So here is a haiku to try and tell myself that it's okay to cry and to try and not be ashamed of my emotions--they are the result of a deep love. I hope you never feel shame in your tears either.

 

I also made this epically goofy spider crown to make with my kindergarteners tomorrow. I cannot friggin' wait. So that's TWO creations for you today!

 

 

Hang in there, folks. Halloween is just 11 days away...

a.r.w.