Cascade

memories of you

come cascading down my cheeks

whispering your words 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

First rehearsal for All Through the Night and I have a lot of time on my hands and an empty notebook... Here's a haiku (shock shock) that found its way into the crazy collage of doodles from tonight. 

a.r.w.

Robert

"So how's your boyfriend?"

I try to ignore Kyle but I suddenly find him to resemble an annoying gnat more than a man. Ever since I got out of the hospital, things have been distant between Jason and myself... I can't deny that. But I also have no desire to talk about it with Kyle while on a case. 

I had been on vacation in Key West, attempting to bond with my parents, when Kyle and the other guys just showed up, dragging me off with some story about a possessed doll. 

I stand before the doll now and I realize I didn't need them to tell me anything about him... I already know all about this doll,  thanks to Him. 

"Hello, Robert," I say with a nervous smile on my face. "You look very nice today."

A silence fills the room and I can feel Kyle just staring at me. 

"Uh..." He laughs nervously. "Do you make it a habit of talking to dolls?"

I smile at him. It's nice to put the know-it-all in his place sometimes. "I guess you don't know everything about this doll. He's been known to kill people who are rude to him. So," I added, looking back at the doll who had somehow gotten out of his plexiglass case, "I would recommend giving him a compliment right about now."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A new adventure for Micah Meyers! 

Meet Robert--one of my childhood fears. He is a possessed doll from the 19th century, infamous in Key West. He's pretty creepy (just look at that face!) and has been known to break cameras, break legs, kill, and even find a way out of his case...

a.r.w.

Jewels

sparkling like jewels

emeralds, rubies, and sapphires

light up my dark days

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Christmas tree decorating! It is a beautiful sight to see...

a.r.w.

Go

strap your hiking boots

pack your life into a bag

go and see the world 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I got to hang out with a very good friend last night and he always gets the wanderlust bug flittering in my belly!! Adventure is in the air and I can't wait to start to see the world again...

a.r.w.

Phone

It's a very special phone book. I can't tell you where I got it or who gave it to me. All I know is one day it was in my hand. 

As I flipped through its pages, it took me a moment before I realized that I recognized each of the names written in a simple, neat script. But they weren't the names of my friends... Each of these people had died. All that was written in the phone book was their name and a phone number, each one different--specific just for them. 

I could call my best friend who died suddenly when I was nine. Or my grandfather who had only just died a few years ago. 

The phone book frightened me at first but then one day when I came home from school to learn that my parents were separating, I finally decided to dial one of the numbers in the book. 

The phone rang and rang and rang. And just when I thought I would get the operator, someone picked up. My grandmother. 

Don't ask me how I knew it was her. I just do. It was something in my soul. 

After that, I found myself using the phone book to call family and friends I had lost too soon. 

For months the phone book was mine--all mine--until I learned that my friend's little brother had just passed away after being diagnosed with cancer. 

I ran to their house as quick as I could and was engulfed in the suffocating grief. I spent the afternoon with the family, cooking dinner for them, doing their laundry, and offering hugs when I could. 

As I went to leave for the night, something made me stop and turn back to my friend's mom. 

"I-" I started but stopped, wondering what they would think of me. The feeling of the phone book in my bag hung down on me, weighing me down. This was something I could not keep from them--the power of the phone book needed to be shared. "I think I know of a way to talk with Julian."

My friend's dad who was a bit old fashioned, scowled at me. "Our son is in heaven," he informed me. "We won't be able to speak with him again until we join him."

"You're wrong." I knew there could have been a better way to handle the situation but I didn't want his beliefs to get in the way of his wife and daughter talking to Julian again. This phone book had been a precious gift to me and I knew it would bless them just as much as it had blessed me. "There is a way," I declared, pulling the phone book out of my bag. 

"A notebook?" My friend shook her head, clearly confused. 

"A phone book," I corrected her before opening it and flipping through it. "It has the name of every person I've ever known who passed away--my friend Katie, my grandparents, Brad from school..." My voice drifted off as I came to the final and newest name in the book. "And Julian," I whispered, placing the book in his mother's hands. 

She stared down at the name and the assigned number beside it, trembling. 

"How?" She looked up to me for answers though I had none to give. 

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. But I do know that it works. I've talked to everyone in here. But I think you should be the one to talk with Julian."

"It's witchcraft!" My friend's dad shouted, trying to rip the book from his wife's hands. 

"It's not witchcraft," I tried to defend though I knew how difficult that might be to believe. "If you don't believe me, try it--call him."

"I think you should leave."

"I want to try."

We all turned to look and see my friend's mom with her phone in her hand, the number already dialed. 

"Claire," her husband tried to stop her.

She just shook her head. "I have to try," she whispered as she pressed CALL. 

We all stood in silence, waiting to see what would happened. The family was about to give up but I knew it took seven rings before they picked up and as my friend's mom let out a gasp, I knew it had worked. 

"Julian?" Her voice was light and airy but her eyes were wide open as she spun around to look at me. I gave a smile, urging her to go on. She slowly turned and whispered, "Julian, it's mommy..."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Six years ago today we got a phone call telling us that my dad's dad had just died. Almost eight months ago, my brother joined him over There. Death is a strange thing...

Julian was the name of a young boy also in Roswell while Jed was there. The doctors sent him home to die, giving him just 100 days to live... That was last August. 

Today's writing prompt was "a ringing phone"... I wish I had a phone book to call each of them and just sit and talk. So many talks I took for granted...

a.r.w.

Naked

I don't know where I am. It's dark and cold here. My hands are tied and I am trapped. I feel naked... Exposed. I feel so alone--a fear as though no one will ever be able to reach into this darkness and save me. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A snippet from my NaNoWriMo story (yes... that is still happening). As I wrote this scene of Becks waking up after being kidnapped by the land pirates I realized how similar this could be when we feel hopeless, helpless, grief stricken, or depressed. But don't worry... She'll make it out of there... Just like the rest of us. 

a.r.w.

Learn

magic and kindness 

learn from the firefly's way

and do as they do

a.r.w.

Blessings

now is the time to

count your blessings while they're here

gratitude and love

*~*~*~*~*~*

Happy Thanksgiving one and all. It's s bit hard to feel thankful after the year that 2015 was for me and my family... It's hard to make a list of what I'm thankful for. 

But I am thankful for my parents who continue to astound me with their strength, friends and family who have continued to weather the storm with us, and the unwavering and selfless love my husband shows me each day. Even in the darkness of the moment, stars of happiness can shine through. 

Happy thanksgiving. 

a.r.w.

Within

the great universe 

begs to be seen from within

it's shining through you

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went back to church again today and while I didn't make it to the sanctuary this time, Adam (my husband) and I did have a great, healing talk. Little by little, each day, I am trying to feel more connected to the universe. 

a.r.w.

Find

to find your true self

it's one way or another 

good luck finding it

*~*~*~*~*~*

This haiku sounds like a Hufflepuff... FIND!! 

a.r.w.

Run

I chased after Lord Death willing my legs to run just a bit faster than they ever managed to go in gym class. He was fleeing like an animal--to see him in such a way made me panic. Faster and faster I chased him and when I felt as though I couldn't run any further, Death reached out his hand and pulled me along. 

"I won't leave you behind!" he shouted though most of his words were lost in the roar coming from whatever beast hovered above us. "Run!"

I didn't think we could do it but we manage to reach the cliff face in time. The opening in the wall was just wide enough for a person to slip through. 

Lord Death slid to a stop and pushed me inside, scraping my elbow in the process. He lipped in build me with a grunt and we were both shrouded in darkness. 

"Move!" he ordered as he pushed me deeper into the cave, the sound of the monster clawing at the rock face  shaking the entire cave. 

Death and I just stood still, holding our breaths and clinging to the walls around us, hoping that somehow we could hold up the world as it came tumblng down around us. 

The creature roared and dust and debris continued to fall down on us. 

"Alright," I whispered as my voice shook wildly, nearly choking me with fear. "I am officially freaking out now."

I could feel Death lean in close, trying to hear me. After a moment he nodded his head. "I'm scared too."

I knew his words were intended to make me feel better and to offer me some comfort but they did anything but bring me comfort. "Yeah," I muttered. "Definitely not what I needed to hear right now."

We slipped back into silence and I found myself clinging to Death as he wedged himself between myself and the opening of the cave. The world continued to rattle and shake. 

"Are we going to die?"

"No," Death declared. I could sense the change in him. As if he had gone from victim to victor in the blink of an eye. There was a spark in his eyes and an energy coming from him. 

It was at that moment--the moment when Death returned to his old self--that the beast outside attacked once more, shaking the cave to its very core. 

"Go!" Death shouted, spinning me around in the narrow space. "Move!"

I climbed over boulders, crawled under rubble, and scurried down the narrow path. We paused in our escape to spin around and watch as the mouth of the cave ripped apart, blocking out the light and silencing the beast outside. 

"The cave fell in!" I was feeling more and more helpless and hopeless with each passing moment. "What do we do?"

"Keep going," Death tried though I could hear the hopelessness creep into his voice as well. "There has to be a way out."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We were getting a bit too romance-y in the story so I threw in a dinosaur monster, a disaster, and up next is a kidnapping. Yay for hijinks!

a.r.w.

Notes

missing you each day

gentle music notes make me

miss you even more

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went to church for the first time today since Jed died. Needless to say, it did not go too well... But we got a poem out of it so that's a plus. 

a.r.w.

Words

words etched on the page

breathe life to an unknown world

create with each thought

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I finished NaNoWriMo today!

 

a.r.w.

Becks

“Becks,” I whispered.

“What?”

“Becks,” I repeated. “You can call me Becks. Every one else does.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment. This was an intimacy that we had not yet shared with one another. I always felt strange when I heard him call me Rebecca—only my Aunt Audrey would call me that and my mom when I was in trouble when I was a little girl. It was not that I didn't like my name but it just wasn't me—I was Becks to my parents, my friends, and to Jed… deep down, I wanted to be Becks to Lord Death as well.

“Becks,” he finally tried my name for the first time. I could sense a change in the air between us. As if a shiver ran down both of our spines as he whispered my name. In a way, I felt that he was here to replace the hole that Lee had left in my heart. He was something to me, but I just didn't know what that "something" was just yet.

All of my thoughts and sense of reason seemed to freeze the moment I felt Death’s arms wrap around me. His body was pressed up tightly against mine, trapping me between the rock face in front of me and his body behind me.

“What are you doing?” There was no way I could hide the panic in my voice. My eyes were wide and I suddenly felt much more awake than I had only a moment ago, more aware than ever before.

“You are shivering and your teeth are chattering,” his voice was calm and smooth just as it always was even in the most uncomfortable situations. “We cannot build a fire so we must use one another to keep warm through the night.”

“Is this really necessary?” I could feel my heart beat faster and faster the more aware I became of his body pressed up again mine.

“It is if you do not wish to lose another one of your pearls.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am back safe and sound in the US and less than 2,000 words away from the 50K finish line!

Here is a snippet from what I managed to write on the plane yesterday (after 35 hours of being awake, you'd think I would have managed to get more than 5,000 words...). It looks like Becks and Death are managing to get somewhere... heheheh...

Also! I posted a haiku yesterday, till trying to maintain the "create something every day theme" so if you didn't read it yet, you can check it out here.

a.r.w.

Bags

count down the hours

a life packed up in three bags

only one more day

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I'm not sure if "hours" has one syllable or two... Seriously, you try to figure it out!

 

This haiku says it all. Our bags are packed. We're in the process of cleaning out the apartment. The taxi is ordered. We're checked into our flight. And only three more lessons stand between me and home sweet home.

 

I cannot wait to see you all, hug you, and kiss you. Sometimes it feels as if life is too short to spend away from the ones you love.

 

See you real soon!

 

a.r.w.

Pirates

Death shook his head and laughed—it was a sight that I had come to love to see what with the constant threat of Lee, the pressure from Maurielle, and the constant worry that I would make one wrong move and keel over dead.

I joined him in his laughter and for a moment we both forgot why it was we now found ourselves in the middle of the Badlands, journeying through the Betwixt.

The reprieve was short lived and soon our laughter died back down.

He cleared his throat before saying softly, “It would be wise if we keep our voices down over the next few days as we make our way through the Badlands.” I wanted to question him on his use of the word ‘days’ but he continued, “We don't want to draw unnecessary attention to ourselves.”

“What exactly is in the Badlands?” I ask him, curiously, as we climbed back up onto our horses.

“The Forsaken,” he started with the obvious answer; the thought of the Forsaken's sharp teeth and lifeless eyes still made me shiver. “Anyone who has been banished through the years…” He stopped to think before he added, “Oh, and pirates.”

“Pirates?” I felt like I was quickly becoming a parrot constantly echoing his words. “You mean like Captain Jack and Yo-Ho-Ho?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” He sighed.

“But how is that possible? This is practically a desert! How can there be pirates with no water?”

He scoffed at the sound of my disbelief. Looking over at me from the corner of his eye, he laughed, “I take it you have never met a land pirate before?”

“A land pirate?” This place was getting stranger with each passing day and each new revelation.

“Don't laugh,” he warned me. “They are far more vicious than their sea faring brothers.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Because a story is incomplete without pirates.

 

I'm at 43K words in my NaNo novel and less than 48 hours left here in Russia. Needless to say, I have many things to be excited for!

 

a.r.w.

Again

figures kneeling down

faces painted on the wall

to have faith again

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Adam and I went to a beautiful Russian Orthodox church yesterday (finally). It was beautiful on the outside but breathtaking on the inside. Every space on the walls and ceilings were covered in murals and portraits of saints and national heroes. There were candles burning everywhere, icon photos, incense burning, and people crossing themselves in faith.

 

It's no secret that I've been struggling with believing in a lot of things lately but standing in that place, seeing so many people around me drenched in their faith was admirable and inspiring. Faith can be a beautiful thing, indeed.

 

 

Two days left until the land of the free and the home of the brave!

 

a.r.w.

Cocoon

“Rebecca!” I could hear a voice call out my name from beyond the darkness of my mind. “Rebecca!” There was panic and desperation in his voice.

The cold touch of his hands on my arms helped to bring me back from the darkness and my eyes snapped open to find Death standing beside my bed, his hands on my shoulders, and his eyes wide as he stared down at me in the mixture of concern and pure terror.

It was the sight of Death standing beside me—the fact that it had been him to reach in and pull me out of that nightmare—that made a sense of relief wash over my like a baptism.

I clung to him as if he was the only thing that could save me from drowning in the tidal wave of my fears. Burying my face in his chest, I just held onto him, sobbing with no way of stopping myself, controlling my tears, or trying to pretend to be brave.

I don't know how much time passed as I continued to shake and sob into his chest. I must have dozed off in exhaustion because when I came to, he was lying on the bed beside me, his arms wrapped around me like a cocoon to shield me from the terrors of the night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

This was the moment I was waiting for in my story. Breaking through that ally-enemy barrier ever so slightly... the angst makes me a happy Amanda.

 

Happy halfway mark through NaNoWriMo! Remember: you should be at 25K by the end of today!! AND today was mine and Adam's last day off work. We managed to pack up our apartment, explore the city of Novosibirsk one last time, AND I wrote over 3,000 words.

 

Three days and we'll be on our way back to the land of the free and the home of the brave... Huzzah!!

 

a.r.w.

Haze

The world was quiet. It had never bothered me, the silence of these dreams until this very moment as I wandered through the darkness and the mist, not even my footsteps made a sound. As I continued to wander, my nervous creeping footsteps grew into a panicked run and my breathing was silenced by the mysterious mist.

If the haze made me feel nervous and claustrophobic, the silence of this dark, life ess place made me feel trapped. I stumbled, searching for a way out, an exit of some kind—a way to escape from the dream.

As I turned around, suddenly feeling disoriented and unsure of which way I had come from, something bright crossed in front of my face, making me scream… though no sound came from me. In the brightness of the light, I saw Lee’s face, staring directly into my eyes.

I stood there for a moment, frozen in fear. Up until this moment in my dreams, I had watched him scour the haze, searching for me but he was never able to find me… until now.

Without a sound or any sign of what he was thinking, he leapt forward, his hands reaching out to grab a hold of me—he finally found me.

I screamed once more and this time it erupted from my throat.

I leapt up from the bed, my heart pounding and my scream still echoing through the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Dun! Dun! Dun!

 

It looks like the doorway between the Betwixt and the realm of the angels has opened just a bit more. Lee, Becks' guardian angel, has finally spotted her. I suppose it's only  matter of time before he finally gets a hold of her...

 

a.r.w.

Teetering

“Shall we?” Lord Death ushered me forward and closed the door tightly behind us, locking us away from the rest of the world. It was a realization that actually made me sigh in relief… something I never would have thought I could possibly do—find comfort in the idea of being alone with the god of death.

It was strange to think that just a short time ago, I had feared him so much--hated him even.

I would never say that I felt completely comfortable in his presence but, other than Jed, he was the only one in the Betwixt that I was slowly beginning to trust. He had proven himself time and time again since I had arrived here and he had shown me that he did actually have my best interest at heart.

It was something I had never anticipated in this place but as I looked around I suddenly found myself in the lap of luxury, eating, wearing, and living the very finest... far more than I ever had in life. And yet the fine food, beautiful room, elegant gowns, and even the kindness of Lord Death did not take away the longing I still felt in my chest—my deep seeded desire to return home.

It was this strange emotion. I felt that I needed to be home—that was where I belonged on earth in the land of the living surrounded by my family and friends for the next fifty or sixty years.

And yet, it had been some time—a year since Jed had passed away—since I had ever felt so alive!

It took being surrounded by the dead to make me feel more alive that I ever had in my entire life.

I was euphoric seeing my little brother alive, healthy, smiling, and whole once again despite the cost it came with—losing my own life and living out the remainder of my days as little more than a prisoner, separated from what I was intended to be.

My mind was like a see saw, teetering back and forth between feeling homesick and longing to go home to be with my parents and being perfectly content to remain here in the Betwixt, reunited with my little brother for the rest of time…

Not ever having to endure that grief and that indescribable feeling of loss anymore was like finally learning how to breathe again—I didn't want to give it up... which then made me question me sanity of wanting to remain here.

Needless to say, I was confused and I would not be solving any of my problems both real or imagined any time soon.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin from the sound of Lord Death’s voice being whispered in my ear and the tickle of his breath on my cheek.

Quickly running my hand through my hair, trying to rid myself of the shivers and goosebumps that were suddenly popping up all along my arms, I ended up laughing like a nervous little girl, “Oh,” I tried to assure him with little to no effect what so ever, “It is nothing. Nothing…”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I managed to get a bit of writing in today... still not nearly as far along as I'd like to be (just broke 30K) but I still have about a week to finish up which is my personal goal.

 

This piece of my NaNo story is very personal to me (if you couldn't tell with the very obvious tribute to my brother in the story). It's reflective, I guess. These are my thoughts if I was in Becks' situation. If I was reunited with my brother over There, I would feel conflicted. Thrilled beyond all belief or words (seriously, there are no words in existence that would be able to come close to describe how happy I would be) but also homesick for my parents, husband, family, and friends. It's that strange separation between Here and There, the world of the living and the world of the dead.

 

This was also loosely based off of a family friend and her message to us after she went to see a psychic. Apparently, there was a very tall young man, standing back and waiting patiently to talk. Finally waving to get the medium's attention, he said to tell his mom that he is happy and whole. Our friend didn't know what he meant (though she immediately knew it was Jed) but we instantly thought of how we had donated Jed's heart and lungs to his surgeon to study... to hopefully help future kids in Jed's shoes. It would be like Jed to patiently wait his turn and be nothing but smiles... I need to learn a lesson or two from that boy (still... I'm always trying to learn from him...).

 

a.r.w.