Cascade

memories of you

come cascading down my cheeks

whispering your words 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

First rehearsal for All Through the Night and I have a lot of time on my hands and an empty notebook... Here's a haiku (shock shock) that found its way into the crazy collage of doodles from tonight. 

a.r.w.

Jewels

sparkling like jewels

emeralds, rubies, and sapphires

light up my dark days

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Christmas tree decorating! It is a beautiful sight to see...

a.r.w.

Go

strap your hiking boots

pack your life into a bag

go and see the world 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I got to hang out with a very good friend last night and he always gets the wanderlust bug flittering in my belly!! Adventure is in the air and I can't wait to start to see the world again...

a.r.w.

Learn

magic and kindness 

learn from the firefly's way

and do as they do

a.r.w.

Blessings

now is the time to

count your blessings while they're here

gratitude and love

*~*~*~*~*~*

Happy Thanksgiving one and all. It's s bit hard to feel thankful after the year that 2015 was for me and my family... It's hard to make a list of what I'm thankful for. 

But I am thankful for my parents who continue to astound me with their strength, friends and family who have continued to weather the storm with us, and the unwavering and selfless love my husband shows me each day. Even in the darkness of the moment, stars of happiness can shine through. 

Happy thanksgiving. 

a.r.w.

Within

the great universe 

begs to be seen from within

it's shining through you

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went back to church again today and while I didn't make it to the sanctuary this time, Adam (my husband) and I did have a great, healing talk. Little by little, each day, I am trying to feel more connected to the universe. 

a.r.w.

Find

to find your true self

it's one way or another 

good luck finding it

*~*~*~*~*~*

This haiku sounds like a Hufflepuff... FIND!! 

a.r.w.

Notes

missing you each day

gentle music notes make me

miss you even more

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went to church for the first time today since Jed died. Needless to say, it did not go too well... But we got a poem out of it so that's a plus. 

a.r.w.

Words

words etched on the page

breathe life to an unknown world

create with each thought

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I finished NaNoWriMo today!

 

a.r.w.

Bags

count down the hours

a life packed up in three bags

only one more day

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I'm not sure if "hours" has one syllable or two... Seriously, you try to figure it out!

 

This haiku says it all. Our bags are packed. We're in the process of cleaning out the apartment. The taxi is ordered. We're checked into our flight. And only three more lessons stand between me and home sweet home.

 

I cannot wait to see you all, hug you, and kiss you. Sometimes it feels as if life is too short to spend away from the ones you love.

 

See you real soon!

 

a.r.w.

Again

figures kneeling down

faces painted on the wall

to have faith again

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Adam and I went to a beautiful Russian Orthodox church yesterday (finally). It was beautiful on the outside but breathtaking on the inside. Every space on the walls and ceilings were covered in murals and portraits of saints and national heroes. There were candles burning everywhere, icon photos, incense burning, and people crossing themselves in faith.

 

It's no secret that I've been struggling with believing in a lot of things lately but standing in that place, seeing so many people around me drenched in their faith was admirable and inspiring. Faith can be a beautiful thing, indeed.

 

 

Two days left until the land of the free and the home of the brave!

 

a.r.w.

Beginning

a small beginning

all the forest can be found

in just an acorn

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

Here is a haiku for Jed. It is always at night that I relive that terrible day in New York but I try to focus on what came from you and your life and not how sad I am that it was cut so tragically short.

 

a.r.w.

Girl

i hope i can be

the human i imagined

when i was a girl

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I always wonder what seven year old Amanda would think of the 25 year old Amanda. I like to think she'd be pretty impressed and proud of herself. I hope that you can find the wonder of your inner child and make them proud.

 

a.r.w.

Counting

i count down the days

until i hold you, hear you

until i see you

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

There are so many in my heart that I miss and yearn to see again. Some are near and others are much too far to see again in this life. But one thing's for sure: I'll be home soon and that thought makes me smile.

 

All is well.

 

a.r.w.

Tears

i think of you and

my tears start watering the

flowers of my soul

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

At least that's what I tell myself on days like this... Definitely my hardest day since arriving in Russia and I am ready to head home where I know my tears and grief can begin to be understood.

 

a.r.w.

Tuna

tuna in a bowl

i love you...  but you smell bad

get in my mouth now

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Today's haiku is brought to you by Adam... because I didn't have time to create much of anything today.

 

a.r.w.

Fulfill

step into the light

guide my hands and be my voice

fulfill your own dreams

2006, 2009, 2012

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

So it's been made official--Adam and I are leaving Russia two weeks from tomorrow and returning to the US of A for a few months. I admit, my soul is a bit relieved to be returning to my family for our first Christmas season without Jed here. But there is another reason why I am anxious to get home...

 



I find myself returning to the stage once more and not under the best circumstances. There is a precious and beautiful show that the Ghostlight Theatre puts on every three years at this time called All Through the Night. Jed had been a part of it for the last nine years--first as the little boy, Wally, and then twice as the older boy, John. But his dream, ever since he played Wally, was to get to play the college kid, Neil. This year was going to be his year. His goal after surgery was to be strong enough to finally take the stage as Neil.

We all know that he never got his wish... so it's been decided that I will be filling in his place as his understudy. It will be hard... but it will be good. I hope to make Jed proud and hope that he helps me (and the rest of the cast) through this because it will definitely be a tough, emotional ride.

a.r.w.

Daisies

i seek optimism

like daisies in sibir’a

growing through the snow

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

There are daisies that grow here in Siberia. Despite the constant promise of snow, the threat of the cold, and fear of darkness, they continue to grow here... I hope to find such optimism one day.

 

a.r.w.

Waves

even though you're gone

we can still feel your touch Here

you're making waves, kid

*~*~*~*~*~*

As I was washing the dishes, I had a "what the f*** happened?" moment. I think back to my life a year ago--two years ago--and it feels like both another lifetime and just a moment ago. One minute Jed was Here and the next **clap** he was There (his words, not mine). It's just so strange to still be living, day to day, doing both mundane things like grocery shopping and extraordinary things like trips to Disney or hiking through the Himalayas, knowing that he will never do these things with me again... and somehow I'm supposed to keep on going as if that doesn't mess with my head immensely.

But then I saw an article written about Jed and the new sarcoma research being done at Roswell Cancer Institute. Because of him and the amazing amount of community support with Red for Jed, the doctors at Roswell decided to take a grant and put their efforts into researching and hopefully destroying sarcoma once and for all. I stand in awe of my little brother. Even six months after leaving Here, he is still impacting our community and the pediatric cancer community in such profound ways.

Nice work, dude... I'm so proud to be your sisso... Always and forever... To infinity and BEYOND!! 56 days... ;-)

a.r.w.

Venture

you wish to know me?

touch my scars and kiss my tears…

few venture this way