Children

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Happy Earth Day, one and all!

This planet is a beautiful thing, isn't it? Everything is connected and fits together perfectly. There are clear patterns and cycles and we all have a place in them. If you ever feel insignificant or lost or alone. just remember that the Earth has a place for you and you are exactly where you need to be.

Just like Mother Earth takes care of us, it should be our duty to take care of her, too. 

Happy Earth Day to you all, and to my Earth Mother, Gramma Aw.

Super awkward twelve year old Amanda, her clarinet, and her crazy Gramma Aw. 

a.r.w.

Face

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Day Four of Mother Earth Week makes an attempt at a somewhat realistic doodle of my Earth Mother. I will be the first to admit that I am not particularly good at this--I prefer drawing my big eyed, bushy eye lashed, stained glass haired girls. But, just like my previous attempt in drawing somewhat realistically in the post Pulling, I am pretty proud of myself. I don't know why but I feel like this Earth Mother kind of looks like Scarlett Johansson... Not too sure how that happened!

Today's post is called "Face"... Not only for the obvious reason--it's a doodle of a girl's face (my specialty... Haha!!)--but for the fact that in 2016 we need to face the facts, accept that the increased rate of climate change is our own doing, and start doing something about it. Stop debating.  Face it and stop it. Stop talking and start doing. 

My Gramma Aw and so many before her made it her mission to not only respect Mother Earth but also teach her grandchildren to do the same. Let's take a page out of her book and continue on in the works that so many have tried to do--love, respect, protect, and conserve the planet--for as long as we have this Giant Blueberry to call home.

Baby Amanda and Afro Gramma compliments of 1990

a.r.w.

PS: Still missing those watercolors...

For Sale

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Day three of Earth Mother Week brings us a doodle of my purple haired, topless, Nike wearing Mother Earth. This doodle is based on the poem I posted yesterday. 

Our Earth Mother is sad. She sees the damage we are doing and hears the denial from so many unwilling to change their ways for the good of their children and their children's children. She's begun to decide to take matters into her own hands--whether that's selling her Nike's or fighting back with the power of Nature.

Personally, I wouldn't blame her if she starts to fight dirty... I would too after centuries of abuse. 

Strategically cropped to hide little naked Amanda the day Gramma Aw showed me how to dunk my head under the water without plugging my nose. Circa, 1993?

a.r.w.

PS: I miss my watercolors... so much. 69 days until I can get my grubby little paws on them again.

Earth Mother Now

where is Earth Mother now?
the embrace that once held me when I cried
the one who knew just what to do
and fixed all my problems with a sigh

she once held my hand
and guided me down the road
a touch of wisdom, a bit of sass
as she helped me with my load

this world can be a heavy burden
one far too large to bear
but i always knew that there'd be one 
always standing there

where is my Earth Mother now?
it's been years since she's been seen
perhaps she's sold her Nike's 
to get just a bit more green

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day two of Mother Earth Week brings us another poem, this time not my grandmother's words but my own. A bit darker. A bit sadder. A bit more lost. But that is Life, isn't it? 

This poem is, I suppose, a sequel to the one my grandmother wrote. Many of my Gramma Aw's poems have a quirky loneliness to them. But that doesn't make me feel surprised or sad because sometimes I feel that way too. Quirky and lonely. I think dreamers, artists, poets, and wanderers are all quirky and lonely so we use our words and imagination to help bring others into our loneliness. We live in another world and we want to share it, even if some might find it slightly skewed.

a.r.w.

Earth Mother

Where is Earth Mother -
Who held lovers, sons,
Daughters, and worlds - 
Held them all close to her
Bosom?
Did you last see her
In calico frock -
Garlands laced through tresses
With a smile on her lips
And a star in her eyes - 
Is that where you last saw
Earth Mother?

Did you last see her
Cradle the Earth
Kiss the bruises of man
And hug them tight - 
Only to weep for us all;
Is that where you last saw
Earth Mother?

I can't say for sure -
My memory's dim
But the last time I looked
I'm sure -
I saw a slight figure
Rounding a trail
With "the bird" of the world
And a whistle from her lips
She just walked by -

Wearing her $40 Nike's!

l.c.w.

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It is officially Earth Week!

I know it's been a loooooong time since I've posted much on this blog. It was a good way to cope with the less than ideal situation that was Russia. But honestly, life in America was nice and healing (Christmas in Disney World doesn't hurt too much) and life here in China hasn't been too bad either.

But I couldn't resist reviving An Accord of Dreamers--I'm a hippie in my heart and Earth Day is an important day... though everyday should technically be Earth Day, don't you think? It's especially hard living in China where you see first hand the damage that people can do to our Giant Blueberry. Littering is more common than breathing over here and it kills me. My Gramma Aw always instilled in me, "Don't litter!" so whenever I see someone--young or old--toss trash on the ground or I see the harsh black smoke billowing into the air as people burn coal, a little bit of me dies inside.

Anyway, I won't go into a tirade about how climate change is our biggest enemy in today's day and age or how you should all vote for Bernie Sanders because he's the only candidate that will actually do something to save our Giant Blueberry **hint**

Instead, I want to celebrate Earth Week by bringing this blog back to life at least for a little bit. Each day, I will share Earth Mother--my topless, lavender hair, Nike wearing Earth Mother originally created by my Gramma Aw.

This poem is called Earth Mother and it was written 30 or 40 years ago... I wish there was a date on it. I loved it so much when I first read it, I designed the Earth Mother I saw in my mind to go along with the poem--it is a Wee Woomer Women Creation!

These next few blog posts will be in honor of my Gramma Aw. While she is still Here on our Giant Blueberry, I know her mind and spirit are already There, no matter what the dementia and the doctors might say to convince me otherwise.

This picture is a few years old... Look! I'm still a blondie.

She was my tutor and my mentor growing up. She taught me to respect the Earth and stand silently in the forest. She taught me to listen. She taught me to just be. She is still my inspiration. She is my Earth Mother.

a.r.w.

Away

the day you went away

nothing could prepare me

for the day you went away.

i saw the writing on the wall

yet still begged you to stay.

"please don't leave me all alone.

don't make me journey on

through this life's endless hopes and fears

after you've already gone."

a battle was bravely fought

and won... and lost.

and in our deep heartbreak

into a new world we were forced to cross.

i stood all alone

in a sea of doubt.

if there was no hope to be had

what was this life all about?

i wandered through my days

suddenly lost and unfeeling,

not an end at all in sight.

no chance of ever healing.

i had lost my dear sweet brother--

my long lost forgotten half.

now the silenced shared laughter

in the old photograph.

so far away.

so lost and alone.

no one could save me.

my heart turned to stone.

i still look back

on the day you went away.

i call out, "why, god? why?"

but won't hear what he has to say.

i find my comfort

in the stars above.

though distant, their light still shines

just like our shared love.

i don't need solutions

or answers to why.

all i need to do

is look up to the sky.

"i am not gone,"

a voice whispers to me.

"i am everywhere now.

oh, why can't you see?

"even as the sun shines,

the stars are still there.

let their light remind you

how much i still care.

"so continue through life--

see what lies in store.

i'll be There waiting for you

when you walk through the door."

nothing could prepare me

for the day you went away.

but as i sit and close my eyes,

loud and clear, i hear you say,

"don't worry about me!

i promise i'm fine.

we'll be together again, i swear.

but while you wait in the meantime

"take the love i gave to you;

here's the gift that i bestow:

share my love with those around you.

stand back and watch it grow!

"this is all i have to give--

this is my gift to you.

i hope it makes you smile

and will help others, too."

a piece of my heart

followed you that day.

but it seems a piece of yours, too,

decided that it would stay.

this life isn't easy.

my world is a mess.

but you were Here for a short while...

so it was blessed, nonetheless.

a.r.w.

Cascade

memories of you

come cascading down my cheeks

whispering your words 

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First rehearsal for All Through the Night and I have a lot of time on my hands and an empty notebook... Here's a haiku (shock shock) that found its way into the crazy collage of doodles from tonight. 

a.r.w.

Robert

"So how's your boyfriend?"

I try to ignore Kyle but I suddenly find him to resemble an annoying gnat more than a man. Ever since I got out of the hospital, things have been distant between Jason and myself... I can't deny that. But I also have no desire to talk about it with Kyle while on a case. 

I had been on vacation in Key West, attempting to bond with my parents, when Kyle and the other guys just showed up, dragging me off with some story about a possessed doll. 

I stand before the doll now and I realize I didn't need them to tell me anything about him... I already know all about this doll,  thanks to Him. 

"Hello, Robert," I say with a nervous smile on my face. "You look very nice today."

A silence fills the room and I can feel Kyle just staring at me. 

"Uh..." He laughs nervously. "Do you make it a habit of talking to dolls?"

I smile at him. It's nice to put the know-it-all in his place sometimes. "I guess you don't know everything about this doll. He's been known to kill people who are rude to him. So," I added, looking back at the doll who had somehow gotten out of his plexiglass case, "I would recommend giving him a compliment right about now."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A new adventure for Micah Meyers! 

Meet Robert--one of my childhood fears. He is a possessed doll from the 19th century, infamous in Key West. He's pretty creepy (just look at that face!) and has been known to break cameras, break legs, kill, and even find a way out of his case...

a.r.w.

Jewels

sparkling like jewels

emeralds, rubies, and sapphires

light up my dark days

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Christmas tree decorating! It is a beautiful sight to see...

a.r.w.

Go

strap your hiking boots

pack your life into a bag

go and see the world 

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I got to hang out with a very good friend last night and he always gets the wanderlust bug flittering in my belly!! Adventure is in the air and I can't wait to start to see the world again...

a.r.w.

Phone

It's a very special phone book. I can't tell you where I got it or who gave it to me. All I know is one day it was in my hand. 

As I flipped through its pages, it took me a moment before I realized that I recognized each of the names written in a simple, neat script. But they weren't the names of my friends... Each of these people had died. All that was written in the phone book was their name and a phone number, each one different--specific just for them. 

I could call my best friend who died suddenly when I was nine. Or my grandfather who had only just died a few years ago. 

The phone book frightened me at first but then one day when I came home from school to learn that my parents were separating, I finally decided to dial one of the numbers in the book. 

The phone rang and rang and rang. And just when I thought I would get the operator, someone picked up. My grandmother. 

Don't ask me how I knew it was her. I just do. It was something in my soul. 

After that, I found myself using the phone book to call family and friends I had lost too soon. 

For months the phone book was mine--all mine--until I learned that my friend's little brother had just passed away after being diagnosed with cancer. 

I ran to their house as quick as I could and was engulfed in the suffocating grief. I spent the afternoon with the family, cooking dinner for them, doing their laundry, and offering hugs when I could. 

As I went to leave for the night, something made me stop and turn back to my friend's mom. 

"I-" I started but stopped, wondering what they would think of me. The feeling of the phone book in my bag hung down on me, weighing me down. This was something I could not keep from them--the power of the phone book needed to be shared. "I think I know of a way to talk with Julian."

My friend's dad who was a bit old fashioned, scowled at me. "Our son is in heaven," he informed me. "We won't be able to speak with him again until we join him."

"You're wrong." I knew there could have been a better way to handle the situation but I didn't want his beliefs to get in the way of his wife and daughter talking to Julian again. This phone book had been a precious gift to me and I knew it would bless them just as much as it had blessed me. "There is a way," I declared, pulling the phone book out of my bag. 

"A notebook?" My friend shook her head, clearly confused. 

"A phone book," I corrected her before opening it and flipping through it. "It has the name of every person I've ever known who passed away--my friend Katie, my grandparents, Brad from school..." My voice drifted off as I came to the final and newest name in the book. "And Julian," I whispered, placing the book in his mother's hands. 

She stared down at the name and the assigned number beside it, trembling. 

"How?" She looked up to me for answers though I had none to give. 

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. But I do know that it works. I've talked to everyone in here. But I think you should be the one to talk with Julian."

"It's witchcraft!" My friend's dad shouted, trying to rip the book from his wife's hands. 

"It's not witchcraft," I tried to defend though I knew how difficult that might be to believe. "If you don't believe me, try it--call him."

"I think you should leave."

"I want to try."

We all turned to look and see my friend's mom with her phone in her hand, the number already dialed. 

"Claire," her husband tried to stop her.

She just shook her head. "I have to try," she whispered as she pressed CALL. 

We all stood in silence, waiting to see what would happened. The family was about to give up but I knew it took seven rings before they picked up and as my friend's mom let out a gasp, I knew it had worked. 

"Julian?" Her voice was light and airy but her eyes were wide open as she spun around to look at me. I gave a smile, urging her to go on. She slowly turned and whispered, "Julian, it's mommy..."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Six years ago today we got a phone call telling us that my dad's dad had just died. Almost eight months ago, my brother joined him over There. Death is a strange thing...

Julian was the name of a young boy also in Roswell while Jed was there. The doctors sent him home to die, giving him just 100 days to live... That was last August. 

Today's writing prompt was "a ringing phone"... I wish I had a phone book to call each of them and just sit and talk. So many talks I took for granted...

a.r.w.

Naked

I don't know where I am. It's dark and cold here. My hands are tied and I am trapped. I feel naked... Exposed. I feel so alone--a fear as though no one will ever be able to reach into this darkness and save me. 

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A snippet from my NaNoWriMo story (yes... that is still happening). As I wrote this scene of Becks waking up after being kidnapped by the land pirates I realized how similar this could be when we feel hopeless, helpless, grief stricken, or depressed. But don't worry... She'll make it out of there... Just like the rest of us. 

a.r.w.

Learn

magic and kindness 

learn from the firefly's way

and do as they do

a.r.w.

Blessings

now is the time to

count your blessings while they're here

gratitude and love

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Happy Thanksgiving one and all. It's s bit hard to feel thankful after the year that 2015 was for me and my family... It's hard to make a list of what I'm thankful for. 

But I am thankful for my parents who continue to astound me with their strength, friends and family who have continued to weather the storm with us, and the unwavering and selfless love my husband shows me each day. Even in the darkness of the moment, stars of happiness can shine through. 

Happy thanksgiving. 

a.r.w.

Within

the great universe 

begs to be seen from within

it's shining through you

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went back to church again today and while I didn't make it to the sanctuary this time, Adam (my husband) and I did have a great, healing talk. Little by little, each day, I am trying to feel more connected to the universe. 

a.r.w.

Find

to find your true self

it's one way or another 

good luck finding it

*~*~*~*~*~*

This haiku sounds like a Hufflepuff... FIND!! 

a.r.w.

Run

I chased after Lord Death willing my legs to run just a bit faster than they ever managed to go in gym class. He was fleeing like an animal--to see him in such a way made me panic. Faster and faster I chased him and when I felt as though I couldn't run any further, Death reached out his hand and pulled me along. 

"I won't leave you behind!" he shouted though most of his words were lost in the roar coming from whatever beast hovered above us. "Run!"

I didn't think we could do it but we manage to reach the cliff face in time. The opening in the wall was just wide enough for a person to slip through. 

Lord Death slid to a stop and pushed me inside, scraping my elbow in the process. He lipped in build me with a grunt and we were both shrouded in darkness. 

"Move!" he ordered as he pushed me deeper into the cave, the sound of the monster clawing at the rock face  shaking the entire cave. 

Death and I just stood still, holding our breaths and clinging to the walls around us, hoping that somehow we could hold up the world as it came tumblng down around us. 

The creature roared and dust and debris continued to fall down on us. 

"Alright," I whispered as my voice shook wildly, nearly choking me with fear. "I am officially freaking out now."

I could feel Death lean in close, trying to hear me. After a moment he nodded his head. "I'm scared too."

I knew his words were intended to make me feel better and to offer me some comfort but they did anything but bring me comfort. "Yeah," I muttered. "Definitely not what I needed to hear right now."

We slipped back into silence and I found myself clinging to Death as he wedged himself between myself and the opening of the cave. The world continued to rattle and shake. 

"Are we going to die?"

"No," Death declared. I could sense the change in him. As if he had gone from victim to victor in the blink of an eye. There was a spark in his eyes and an energy coming from him. 

It was at that moment--the moment when Death returned to his old self--that the beast outside attacked once more, shaking the cave to its very core. 

"Go!" Death shouted, spinning me around in the narrow space. "Move!"

I climbed over boulders, crawled under rubble, and scurried down the narrow path. We paused in our escape to spin around and watch as the mouth of the cave ripped apart, blocking out the light and silencing the beast outside. 

"The cave fell in!" I was feeling more and more helpless and hopeless with each passing moment. "What do we do?"

"Keep going," Death tried though I could hear the hopelessness creep into his voice as well. "There has to be a way out."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We were getting a bit too romance-y in the story so I threw in a dinosaur monster, a disaster, and up next is a kidnapping. Yay for hijinks!

a.r.w.

Notes

missing you each day

gentle music notes make me

miss you even more

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I went to church for the first time today since Jed died. Needless to say, it did not go too well... But we got a poem out of it so that's a plus. 

a.r.w.

Words

words etched on the page

breathe life to an unknown world

create with each thought

 

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I finished NaNoWriMo today!

 

a.r.w.

Becks

“Becks,” I whispered.

“What?”

“Becks,” I repeated. “You can call me Becks. Every one else does.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment. This was an intimacy that we had not yet shared with one another. I always felt strange when I heard him call me Rebecca—only my Aunt Audrey would call me that and my mom when I was in trouble when I was a little girl. It was not that I didn't like my name but it just wasn't me—I was Becks to my parents, my friends, and to Jed… deep down, I wanted to be Becks to Lord Death as well.

“Becks,” he finally tried my name for the first time. I could sense a change in the air between us. As if a shiver ran down both of our spines as he whispered my name. In a way, I felt that he was here to replace the hole that Lee had left in my heart. He was something to me, but I just didn't know what that "something" was just yet.

All of my thoughts and sense of reason seemed to freeze the moment I felt Death’s arms wrap around me. His body was pressed up tightly against mine, trapping me between the rock face in front of me and his body behind me.

“What are you doing?” There was no way I could hide the panic in my voice. My eyes were wide and I suddenly felt much more awake than I had only a moment ago, more aware than ever before.

“You are shivering and your teeth are chattering,” his voice was calm and smooth just as it always was even in the most uncomfortable situations. “We cannot build a fire so we must use one another to keep warm through the night.”

“Is this really necessary?” I could feel my heart beat faster and faster the more aware I became of his body pressed up again mine.

“It is if you do not wish to lose another one of your pearls.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am back safe and sound in the US and less than 2,000 words away from the 50K finish line!

Here is a snippet from what I managed to write on the plane yesterday (after 35 hours of being awake, you'd think I would have managed to get more than 5,000 words...). It looks like Becks and Death are managing to get somewhere... heheheh...

Also! I posted a haiku yesterday, till trying to maintain the "create something every day theme" so if you didn't read it yet, you can check it out here.

a.r.w.